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So there's this girl...
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)
Posted by: uh...ok
OK **** it. I'm just too immature to comprehend life I guess. And whatever.. "just ask her out" isn't as easy as you make it out to be. It was foolish of me to think you'd know my personality anyway.
- Just Another Stupid Teenager
Posted by: Chako
Oh for Gods sakes...ask her out.
Posted by: SKYHN
Wear an OTS T-Shirt. Seemed to work for someone else on these forums...
Posted by: redwench
either ask her out or forget about her completely. you pick. but obsessing isnt healthy, and youll look like a stalker.
Posted by: uh...ok
I'm not stalking her at all. I opted for "forgetting about her completely" but it didn't work. It's quite impossible to forget about someone when she lives right next to you.
-uh...ok
Posted by: AngstMerchant
The best advice I can think of is this: if you don't feel comfortable asking her out, she probably wouldn't feel comfortable being asked out. In terms of dating, here's a good rule of thumb: if it feels uncomfortable, it's probably not gonna fly. That's pretty much how human hearts work. I'm assuming she's human. . . .
Posted by: uh...ok
So I'm pretty much screwed if I never feel comfortable asking anyone out. 
-uh...ok
Posted by: TheeMon
hey dont listen to them... even though i didnt getta read the first main post...
ok if u like her but dont feal like asking her out dont... and its not stalking as long as you dont follow her everywhere... its perfectly natural to just stare and pretend like your not paying attention but you are... if u like her keep doing whatever your doing untill your ready...
or you could allways try what they do on movies... have a friend ask her friend if her friend thinks she likes you/or if her friend thinks shed go out w/ you...
^^^now id never personally do something so freaking gay as the above statement and im assuming any half-normal person wouldnt either but they do it on tv all the time and it works
Posted by: The_Turks(ff7)
just ask if you can sit next to her at lunch, assuming you and her go to the same school. just ease into it and then eventually ask her out.
Posted by: Canis Lupus
there are two lessons learned in this thread:
1. Asking for advice not only involves things you want to hear other people say, but things you don't want them to say. It's a two-way street.
2. If you can't accept other people's advice, don't ask for it ...
Posted by: uh...ok
I wasn't asking for advice in the first place. I had just wanted to let off some steam... if I wanted advice I'd post it in general..but I posted here instead. Nowhere in my post did I ask, "What should I do?" Instead I said "that's my Rant for the night..."
And I do appreciate the advice. I'll be honest and say it's not what I wanted to hear. But it also made me realize that since you guys don't really know WHO I am, there's no point in sharing to begin with if all I'm gonna get is "advice" based on whatever little information I give.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Canis Lupus
 Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
it also made me realize that since you guys don't really know WHO I am, there's no point in sharing to begin with if all I'm gonna get is "advice" based on whatever little information I give.
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and that's the third lesson: you can't really expect too much personal empathy from people who don't know you personally
Posted by: Erekose
.
Posted by: uh...ok
Laggy, that was exactly what I said.  *sigh*
-uh...ok
Posted by: Chako
Very true. I do not know you.
However, posting something that is akin to self torture of a romantic dreamy sort seems like a complete waste of time unless your into self immolation.
I gave you the direct answer to your angst.
If I offended you..then sorry.
Posted by: uh...ok
Nah Chaks. The truest of friends are not those who speak words you want to hear, but words that you need to hear.
I just didn't see it coming. But thanks.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Gunslinger
Yeah. I mean, what kind of advice is that anyway?
.....I like my way better....
Don't ask her out at all. In fact, don't do anything abnormal. Just keep going on like you feel nothing at all. That way, nothing at all will happen. I mean, you really don't want to go out with her anyway, do you?
Of course you don't.
Posted by: uh...ok
Actually that was my plan... and I thought it was working. But I just couldn't stay away from her...
-uh...ok
Posted by: Amall
good plan, will defintly get you what you want...
Posted by: Xtren
If you're the type of person that gets shy around girls you like than going out with this girl may not be the best thing to do at the moment. Unless you feel really good with her, and don't feel tense whenever you are near her, than I'd say you should wait a while, especially if it would hurt you if she said no.
You should also think about what it would be like going out with this girl before you actually do it. Unless you have a fair bit in common dating will be a drag.
Posted by: Qui Gon-Jinn
she lives next door.. you can't be a stalker.. you live there..
Damn it just ask her out.. don't set a definite date.. just say sometime..let her set the date.. do it on her terms..
also.. public place for the first date.. I know your under 21.. so maybe a pizza place.. bowling.. whatever..
Posted by: nocode
the fear of rejection is a difficult thing for some people to overcome. i for one have this quality. i can remember when i was a teenager like it was yesterday the feelings i would have when just thinking of asking a girl out. i would get my self worked up to ask, and then when the moment would come, my mouth wouldn't work! i would freeze just because of the fear i had of a no!
anyway, i said all of that to say this.........i'm 32 now and have been married for 9 years. obviously i got over the fear of asking girls out some how.
don't put so much pressure on yourself. get to know the girl better in a friend kind of way and the dating will come with time if it's right.
oh, and about the fear of rejection quality related to me peronally. well, it's still there in relation to other things in life. i've learned to control it better the older i have got, but it is still there. i guess for some people, it never totally goes away.
Posted by: Fenix2004
Ask her to come over and watch some TV or to come over and study. Try being her friend first and if it progresses into something bigger, go for it.
Posted by: Spider
No way. That's horrible advise. Don't put your friendship, or potential friendship with a woman come before your interest in her, it's usually one or the other. True you can be a friend and also a boyfriend, but it's not the same thing as just being a "friend". Friendship second.
Posted by: AngstMerchant
Guys, I hate to pull rank but, I'm an old school player and uh, there's a real important aspect of the situation that everyone is overlooking: proximity. There is a practical viability to keeping the homestead conflict-free Furthermore, turning your immediate area into the often-volatile field of loveplay is a big mistake. In fact, any environment that requires compulsory attendance is off-limits in terms of seeking action. Allow me to illustrate:
Scenario #1-Failure: You ask out your friend who lives next to you. She thinks you are great but doesn't want to date anyone right now who looks like you or whatever. You now live right next to a female who knows you are interested but doesn't reciprocate. Every time you see her, it's awkward and weird and the conversation is all stilted and un-natural.
Result: You are uncomfortable around your house because you hope you don't see her because it's very awkward.
Scenario #2-Success: You ask out your friend who lives next to you. She thinks you are great and loves the idea of spending more time together. The relationship goes well for a while but, as the percentages show, most relationships end after a while, and so does this one. Now you live next door to your ex-girlfriend. That part really needs no explanation.
Result: You are uncomfortable around your house because you hope you don't see her because, well, she's your ex-girlfriend.
You may have noticed the omission of the 'They fall in love and spend the rest of their lives together' scenario. Well, that could happen. . . . . .which reminds me: don't forget to pick up those lottery tickets on the way home. See the parallel?? There are, of course, other scenarios but the vast majority of dating scenarios fall neatly into 'she said no' or 'jesus, why was with her for so long??'. Play the percentages and do not forget the cardinal rule. In fact, I believe this is the only rule I have:
Do not date anyone that you work with, have a class with or live with (or near).
I had to amend the rule with "or near" after an unpleasant encounter in 1998. It doesn't take more than one or two empty beer bottles thrown from a balcony to make one consider editting a rule like this.
Posted by: Spider
hahahaha!
excellent points!
Posted by: Spork Lover
uh... dont worry.. you'll sort these things out I used to have a terrible time in the same arena. Not a next door neighbor but close enough. My personal experience didn't work out so well(well dating each other didnt), but she is one of my best friends and I dont regret a thing. I'd hate to think of how it would be if I didnt ask her out, or at least try to be her friend.
Angst.. come on.. with an old school player you should know that with time the awkwardness goes away, if it is even ever there!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
(BTW...I hope this post is on subject...it seems to be... I didnt get to read the original one cause you got rid of it...)
Posted by: uh...ok
Amazingly, the one girl with whom I have had extreme awkwardness with being around and dealing with and I are now pretty good friends. We're 3000 miles apart but chat online occasionally, and it's as if nothing ever happened between us.
And another one who seemed to hate me for simply liking her... we reconciled during Senior year and actually talked to each other and even *Gasp* sat next to each other at dinners and stuff.
So I've been burned more than a couple times in the past Spork and Angst... which was why (if you read my original post) I said that I tried with everything I had in the first couple weeks to keep myself from liking her... to stay away... off limits, and such.
But then came her birthday, and then more conversation and contact than usual... and I realized it was futile to try stop liking someone you already like.
I guess all I can do now is wait for the hurt to stop hurting...
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
I think Angst made the best points of them all there, everything he said is only too true, unless you can actually stay together with this girl.... and you know the relationship is bound to end after a while.
You should just try and be close friends with her uh...ok, and you will probably end up liking that. Who knows, maybe she'll end up wanting to date you after a while.
Posted by: Canis Lupus
Quote:
Originally posted by Xtren
Who knows, maybe she'll end up wanting to date you after a while.
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Quote:
Originally posted by AngstMerchant
Do not date anyone that you work with, have a class with or live with (or near).
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Posted by: Xtren
I meant maybe the girl will actually turn out to have the hots for uh...ok.
I didn't say that he should date her, but who knows maybe she'll be in the state he is in now.
Posted by: Canis Lupus
Quote:
Originally posted by Xtren
I meant maybe the girl will actually turn out to have the hots for uh...ok.
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And when that happens, what happens next?
Quote:
Originally posted by AngstMerchant
Do not date anyone that you work with, have a class with or live with (or near).
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Posted by: Chako
Rules are made to be broken.
i say go for it. Your not living with her. She may be next door..but who cares. At least your not sharing a room together.
Way I see it. If it is bugging you to such an extent that you felt you needed to vent or rant about it online..then ask away. You have nothing to lose.
Otherwise, you will have doubts later on with "what if" scenarios.
If she spurns your advances..then you can rest easy that "it was never meant to be".
Enough said on the topic from this guy. As you have said before...we don't know you personally. So if you have a penchant to self torture, then your on the right track.
Posted by: Xtren
Quote:
Originally posted by Canis Lupus
And when that happens, what happens next?
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Whatever he wants to happen. Then he'll be in control of the situation. It'll be win-win. If he likes being friends with her then they'll stay friends... if he still really wants to go out with her than he can, it's really all up to Uh...ok, and what he would do in a given situation.
Posted by: Canis Lupus
Well, here's how I see it, uhawk - either you want to or you don't ... either you spend a lot of time thinking about it or you take action. Yeah, you say it's not as easy as it sounds, but who says it always had to be easy? You always want things served to you on a silver platter?
You can vent, you can ask for advise, you can write down pointers, but it is still gonna require some action on your part. Yeah yeah, so I don't know you, and I don't know how brave or scared you are at this point. But does it matter? You vent because you wanna hear what others have to say, otherwise you would have kept it to yourself. And I see lots of good suggestions in this topic. It's up to you on which one to follow.
But the bottomline is, you need to take action. In this case, time is of the essence. The deeper you go into brooding mode, the more depressed you'll be, and no one wants to be around a depressed individual. You'll need to decide if you want her or you don't. There are a lot of fish in the sea, but if you want to catch this one, you need to do it now before it swims away...
If you're worried about the consequences, treat it as another bag. The sooner you can get over the consequences of your actions, the better. The underlying objective here is not to get the girl, not to get a date, not to be friends, but rather, to feel a sense of normalcy again. That's what you have to think about: "What does it take for me to feel normal again, and would I want to do that?"
Either you bite the bullet or dodge it. What's it gonna be, sport?
Posted by: Xtren
Getting refused isn't the end of the world either man. It's happened to me lots of times. It actually feels better when you know this girl doesn't like you, because at least you can move on, and don't have to think about her anymore. Suddenly you start paying more attention to other girls, and it'll probably turn out that you will find someone else who you like just as much.
Posted by: uh...ok
Well last night she had plans for dinner with a friend, but she had to meet him at a train stop... and our station's like a 20-25 minute walk away... so I offered to walk her to the station. She said that I "didn't have to" but I insisted on doing so... so we got to talk to each other for a little while - nothing much about each other's lives but it was ok... I asked her if she would go to Chinatown on Sunday with me to buy stuff and maybe for some food before that. She said that it'd be nice, so she might go tomorrow unless she forgets about it and makes other plans, which I'm thinking is very likely...
And the general consensus among people have been "dude ask her out!" but yes, I am a wuss. So I'll just try to be a friend for now and if she turns out liking me, even though I think it's completely impossible...
I guess I was on a "temporary high" again last night (like on Wednesday) after walking her to the station... that got destroyed pretty quickly later in the evening when, after studying with her friend in his room, she came back here and he was with her and I went over to hang out... first time I ever actually went over to hang out... It felt like I wasn't even there... they were looking at pictures when I went in and she gestured me over, saying "Come here" to look at the photos. But for the rest of the night she only talked to him, and yea.. it was like I wasn't even there. So I don't even qualify as a "good friend"... because he's a good friend (I know nothing's between them) and she talks to him all night and I'm just there watching them kind of.
I don't know ... whatever... it just feels so impossible. And it probably is.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
You seem to be pretty set on the fact that this girl couldn't possibly like you.... there has to be some other reason for that. I mean you hung around wth her, walked her to the train station, and you're going to Chinatown with her, and then having dinner. That doesn't sound all that bad really....
Posted by: uh...ok
We're not having dinner... it's probably gonna be lunch and then buy stuff. And I don't even know if we're really gonna have that.
I don't know... I feel more like a friend of convenience than anything else. Great to have around whenever you need something, but nothing much beyond that.
And yes, it's a statistical fact that girls cannot ever like me "in that way." Not that I blame them.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
I suppose those would be your own issues and nobody else then... and perhaps only people that know you in real life would be able to explain....
You shouldn't feel that bad about yourself though.
Posted by: AK47
Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
And yes, it's a statistical fact that girls cannot ever like me "in that way." Not that I blame them.
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Not gonna get any tang with that attitude
Posted by: uh...ok
wooo chinatown is cancelled... she has 3 exams this week and has to study.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Chako
heh
You might want to show her this thread.
Posted by: Xtren
Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
wooo chinatown is cancelled... she has 3 exams this week and has to study.
-uh...ok
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Well at least she didn't blow you off cause she has a date with someone else....
Posted by: uh...ok
Well she'll probably go to lunch with her guy friends tomorrow. Like she usually does.
I'm not invited, of course, as usual.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Erekose
heh im in the same boat uhok. well not exactly, see i went and told her how i felt... yeah 'thats sweet' is not really what you want to hear. even worse was the 'well i dont know what to say'. well dont say anything girl, hell i knew she didnt feel the same way but it was tell her or go absolutely insane. ill not profess to have any special knowlege, but if you really like being around her then great, do so. dont worry too much about her other friends. i dont think she considers you just a fairweather friend. yeah well ima just stop talking now
Posted by: Shalome
Uh...ok... RELAX!!!
Things most women find attractive in guys: being self-confident, being self-assured, and being independent. Be comfortable with yourself. Through your own commentary in this thread, you are obviously not comfortable with who you are, and that's seriously gotta change before you start dating.
It's normal to be nervous about asking someone out on a date. It's not normal to let that degree of nervousness interfere with your day-to-day life or your ability to actually ask her out. Nervous = fine. Paralyzed = bad!
Although I do agree with Angst's dating rules.
Posted by: uh...ok
I have a friend at another forum also named Angst who posted probably the best reply to my initial post... I think I'll even copy and paste it here - that one was actually the most inspiring...
But hey, tonight I actually made a joke with her! For once! She was telling us how her sister was supposed to stay over for Thanksgiving vacation, except that her vacation's like for TEN DAYS, so where the heck is she gonna stay? So I go, "Hrm, how old's your sister?" And she goes "14." I brush my chin and go "Hmmm..." while looking into my room. She hit me.
But yea, I completely understood that Shal... I've understood that for a long while. Except when I met THIS girl, I knew from the start that I shouldn't like her. But I ended up liking her .. a lot... and then I guess that just completely pushed me off balance.
Anyway, without further ado, Angst's cool post:
It's cliche, but confidence is key, you gotta be aggressive, and you gotta be persistent, they say a smile is a foot in the bed.
the ho-hum approach, where you don't want to go after her is a turn off for them, they want to be pursued, and most girls won't let you know that they like you, until you tell them first.
It has to be natural, because girls can smell some faked bullshit from miles away, it's a little easier for me, well because i'm pretty much an *******, but it's playful - I put the girls I like down and make fun of them constantly.. and it just works.. not because of what I say neccesarily, but more because I come off indifferent, like she's beneath me, but at the same time she knows if I truly didn't care I would simply ignore her, the point is that it's ballsy to talk shit about her, and make fun of her, but at the same time don't get serious, don't say "dude, your crotch reeks"
I wouldn't ask her out on a date, but if you know what kind of movies she likes, ask her what she's doing this weekend and if she would like to do something.. have the plan BEFORE you ask her though.
After the movie ask her if she wants to get a bite to eat somewhere, and if you're vibing during your stealth impromptu dinner (especially if the conversation drift towards sex) tell her that you had alot of fun and look forward to doing it again.. maybe say, "hey I had alot of fun, let's do this again next week, Friday 7pm"
don't *ask* her if she wants to go to dinner with you, tell her, don't leave room for her to say "no" but do it tactfully.
If she says yes, and you're vibing at your real dinner, after telling her how great she looks, tell her you really like her, and that you really enjoy spending time with her, tell her why you like her, just don't tell her drunk unless she's drunk too like I did once. that's not good..of course I followed it with a "can I go down on you?" - anyway, yeah.. if she's still vibing you, kiss her you sissy.. what's she going to say? "oh, you got the wrong impression, I thought we were just friends" - if she pulls that shit, you pull the "ignore" card - as much as it hurts, if you ignore chicks it's like a four alarm fire in their panties.. they come sprinting back, it's ridiculous, but hella cool.
The problem with so called nice guys is that they tend to dissasociate girls and sex.. maybe not even girls in general, but THAT girl.. they seem to think "oh, she's not the type that's into sex" - bullshit, every girl loves getting laid as much as we do, besides, college is where people go to experiment with their sexuality. (Read: anal sex)
Good luck little soldier, and as always wear a helmet into battle.
I liked his entire post except for the sex part, as I told him that the words "sex" and her name never crossed my mind in the same sentence, paragraph, page, or book.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Shalome
That, my friend, is SO much bullshit.
Treat women like they're beneath you, make fun of them, put them down, and then TELL them the two of you are going on a date rather than asking, IGNORE THEM AND THEY'LL COME RUNNING BACK?? Man, that's not confidence, that's being borderline abusive! If a woman goes for that, then SHE'S got issues that you, down the line, won't want to deal with. I'd like to think you're a better person than that. Making yourself feel confident by putting down others is, at best, juvenile.
Your friend might get a lot of dates, but I'm betting he's got some emotional closeness issues -- like not being too good in long term relationships. I'm also betting that the kinds of women that he attracts with those tactics have some emotional issues as well, which ultimately ends up killing relationships and reinforcing your friend's apparently negative view of girls in general. This, of course, is all speculation, but it's based on my personal experiences with and observations of people over the past 25 years.
Listen to your friend if you want to. But, if a guy who was talking to me tried the macho bullshit he describes, it would sure as hell piss me off. There's no way I'd date a jerk like that. I don't know how any intelligent, confident, relatively attractive woman would allow herself to be treated like that.
Posted by: AngstMerchant
Um yeah, what Shal said.
I'm sorry but this 'Angst' guy is way off-base. I mean, totally off-base. They don't even speak English where this guy is coming from. The only thing that even remotely seems like good advice is the "make it natural" bit. The rest is just a macho fantasy cooked up by some guy who wants to believe dating is that easy. It's not. These ideas seem simple and effective which, in your semi-confused and frustrated state, "would sound like wisdom were it not for the warning in your heart". It's not really like what this guy is talking about.
Posted by: AK47
This thread shows why porn rules.
Invest in some, uh ok.
Posted by: EOT(US)
Damn! Where is Aunt Labby when you need her the most?
Posted by: Chako
You found that dribble inspirational?
What is wrong with you Uh Ok?
Treat anyone like what that guy told you to treat..and you will be guaranteed to get one type of women..the type your mother warned you about.
Umm...here is my best advice. Treat people with respect...treat them like they are humans with their own minds.
I have no clue why your agonizing over this. I find that being honest and up front is the best way to go. If she likes you, then she should be honest and up front as well, and then you both have a base to grow upon.
There is nothing wrong with a strictly platonic relationship to start with.
As for that advice. Ditch it as far away as you can. That isn't a way to get dates...that is a way to get slapped and called a chauvinistic pig.
Darn it, I just broke my rule about not replying to this thread anymore…however, I must say Uh Ok…your friends advice gave me a real good laugh.
Posted by: redwench
Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
as I told him that the words "sex" and her name never crossed my mind in the same sentence, paragraph, page, or book.
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well, first of all, ignore your friend. i dont think that needs furthur explanation. second, if you dont want to have sex with her, dont date her. this is not to say you need to have sex with people you date, but you should have the desire to.
Posted by: uh...ok
Well no wench, I just mean it never crossed my mind because I was so preoccupied in just trying to BE with her before anything else... and as Chako said, I don't really think it's wrong at all to aim for a platonic relationship as a first step.
OK I guess his post was a little bs.. I mean it's not like I was going to carry it out. I guess it was the one that at least gave a little more detail than just "for God's sake, just ask her out" (referring to you again Chaks ). I know definitely that OTS is a more experienced, mature crowd... and trust me, your words here have more weight than anywhere else online.
And I hope that my quoting that post does not show ME as someone who does not respect women, because it's the complete opposite...
Oh well. Another day.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
Your friend probably doesn't get a lot of attention from females either uh....ok, I disagree with just about everything he said. Treating girls like that just isn't right at all, and they deffinitely won't appreciate it. If girls do appreciate that than it's not a good sign, same thing with girls who date a lot of guys on short-term relationships. Stay away from them or you'll find yourself heartbroken very quickly.
Posted by: NightMage
Ok the simplest way of getting a girl is be your usual charming self.... trust me. I used to be shy about asking girls out and then i realised what the hey, the worst that can happen is I'll be embarressed. How well do you know her? and i mean know her. Do you talk often? or a bit? girl's hit their maturity more often than us guys, they're looking for someone who'll treat them right. The girl I'm with right now I've known for about 2 yrs and we've only started going out the last couple of months.... but we know each other really well.
One good trick is don't ask her out, just take her hand in yours or put your arm around her. I know what it's like not being able to say what you want to say.
There we go, that's my little advice, hope it helps.
Posted by: Null Actor
Quote:
Originally posted by NightMage
One good trick is don't ask her out, just take her hand in yours or put your arm around her. I know what it's like not being able to say what you want to say.
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/me laughs and laughs
Posted by: Amall
i asked my gf out like 10 or 20 times before you stopped laughing at me. Now id wager that were going to wed some day...
Posted by: Null Actor
I don't know who you are, or what you are talking about, but I'll laugh at you anyway.
Posted by: Xtren
I think he was referring to his girlfriend laughing at him... which is nothing to be proud of.....
Posted by: Digitalphatman
As mersault would say why bother? We are all gonna die Life is meaningless therefore all actions do not matter.
Posted by: uh...ok
Mersault was an (insert appropriate derogative term here that starts with the first letter of the alphabet).
-uh...ok
My apologies for language.. I forgot I was posting in OTS for a second.
Posted by: Digitalphatman
Call him anything you like, but many people mirror mersault and the way he lived....although many won't admit it.
Posted by: Gunslinger
Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
Mersault was an (insert appropriate derogative term here that starts with the first letter of the alphabet).
-uh...ok
My apologies for language.. I forgot I was posting in OTS for a second.
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Rants and Raves
Discussions and dialogues about controversial topics, or just sharing a piece of your mind!
(Warning: Strong language. Reader discretion is advised!)
If it was in context, and not just senseless use of profanity, then I say go for it.
Posted by: Grimlock
*Incoming 2 cents*
Well, there have been some good points and some bad points here, but that is just my opinion, and well at the end of the day, an opinion is neither right or wrong it's just what you think.
imho, I think the best way, is for you to try and be friendly in a friend way and get to know her, and then try and find out tactfully how she feels about you.
Everybody is different, so one person's approach may work on 1 girl but not another. Some women prefer a macho man who'll show off for her, some prefer a sensitive man who's not afraid to show his emotions, some just plain don't know what they want.
As I said above, just try and be friends with her and see how it progresses. As any good military tactician will tell you, if in doubt tread carefully, but make sure your gun is fully loaded
Posted by: NightMage
Couldn't have said it better myself Grimlock, and you have used the same metaphor that I would use.... getting a girlfriend is very much like a military procedure, it takes instinct, and always leave yourself an escape route. You may not need it but then again you may.
If this has caused confusion I apologise.
Posted by: uh...ok
I don't really think people live like Mersault at all... IMHO he was way to .. animal.. to be human. I'm kind of an opposite of Mersault - I think way too much.
And today, in the midst of my musings I came to the conclusion that the world must hate me.
But then again, I'm not that important, so why would the world bother to hate me?
-uh...ok
Posted by: NightMage
tell me uh...ok is it your head telling you not to ask her out? if it is don't listen to it, write on a piece of paper "dear (insert her name here) will you go out with me? (insert your name here)." stick it in an envelope, put it in her letter box. and wait.
Posted by: redwench
yes youhawk, listen to your head. and dont send something like that, youll look like a lunatic.
Posted by: NightMage
i only suggested it because of his nerves.... it's a lot better than perhaps getting laughed at in the face. The head is what contains all our fears... so if we listened to our heads everytime we're faced with a problem which has two results we wouldn't get anywhere in life. The heart contains our courage to face our fears.
not having a go at you red, we all have our own opinions
Posted by: redwench
emotions are interesting, but need to be held in check. unless you want a world of murder, rape, and abuse. if his rational thought processes are keeping him from approaching someone, he needs to examine them and find out why, not disregard them. he needs to live with this woman for the next 8 months, not scare her or annoy her.
youhawk, i would in all seriousness suggest you wait until april at least before you ask her out if you do it at all. that would minimize any uncomfortableness for both of you.
Posted by: uh...ok
wench you realize that I am not scaring her or annoying her. the purpose of my refraining (or trying to)from liking her in the first place was to maintain a friendly atmosphere within this suite.
She's not uncomfortable with me. She's just oblivious to me.
-uh...ok
Posted by: redwench
yes. but that would change as soon as you asked her out. i guarantee it.
Posted by: Shalome
You know, there's many, many studies out there that show that proximity creates attraction. Make sure your crush isn't a proximity crush, to the point where you're ignoring, say, that cute girl in your lecture class who looks like she needs a study buddy or something. Just a suggestion.
Posted by: uh...ok
LOL I once considered that Shal. I mean there ARE a couple of cute girls in some of my classes, but I don't know them at all and... whenever I imagine myself possibly together with one of them.. she just pops back up in my head and ruins it. I doubt it's a proximity crush because I felt something the very first time I met her...
But oh well, I'm going to try to get over her... for both our sakes.
-uh...ok
Posted by: NightMage
I agree red, we need to listen to our heads at some point. But I think when it comes to relationships your head should only play a minor role, as several years down the track you may look back on your life and think "where would I be if I had of asked her/him out?"
but uh...ok, you could always leave tradition and wait for her to ask you out. and as it's been suggested try going out with someone else, it will make it clear to you what your feelings are. If you only have a few female friends then it could be the attention being paid to you that's making you feel how you do about her.
Posted by: uh...ok
Look, I'm tired of people trying to explain WHY I like her because NO ONE KNOWS EXCEPT ME (although I don't have any particular reason)! Although I HAVE been trying to communicate my reasons for liking her.
It's not the attention, or lack of it, that made me like her.
Perhaps I did not make myself clear enough. The very first night I met her when she came to check out my room (which actually by that time was already her room because it was post-housing-lottery), I already knew that I'd end up liking her. But I also knew that if I did, she'd probably find out eventually and our friendship would be ruined. Which was why I tried my damnedest to not like her in the first place.
I thought this was universal because a lot of people have claimed the same thing. But perhaps it's different for everyone. But for ME, I like a girl simply because I do. Simply because she's "the one". It seems completely arbitrary, yes, but it's something I don't have any control over. I look at a girl and I think "Hmm she looks like she's maybe my type." And I won't know until I talk to her. But within less than a minute of conversation with her, I already know whether or not she's someone I'm going to go crazy over - given time.
So I KNEW since Day 1 that I was going to end up liking her... except I also thought that it would be harmful to the both of us if I allowed that. Which was what ended up happening, and I'm sitting here, telling myself, "I told you so."
NightMage, if you don't mind my asking, how old are you? 15? 16? I really appreciate your attempt to help, but you've got some growing up to do...
-uh...ok
Posted by: uh...ok
The fact of the matter is, she doesn't like me, and she's not going to. I'm almost 100% sure of that now. And ALMOST 100% is good enough for me.
As I've said before, I've resolved to get over her. Yes, resolving is easy and getting over is tough.
But that's life, right?
Let me emphasize again that I originally posted this in Rants and Raves because I considered it a "rant" more than a plea for advice or anything else. I'll admit that my sorry ass was looking for some sympathy. I didn't get it, and instead got some harsh words I needed to hear. Harsh words I took greatly into consideration and even acted according to for awhile. FOR AWHILE.
Then I came to grips with the reality of the situation that only I know... a situation where if I took any further action in attempting to establish ANY sort of relationship with her, would mean a possible breach in whatever good terms we have left with each other.
I might be overexaggerating right now - and she may not hate me or dislike me or even have an inkling about how I feel. She may just be acting the same way she's always been acting, except I've grown all the more sensitive to that. But who cares? The end result is the same. I need to get over her and move on. It's that simple.
And if she truly does have any feelings for me, or - if you're a believer in fate and God (as I do) - if we're truly meant to be, then what needs to happen between us will happen.
But in the meantime, I'm not going to sit around waiting for it.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Spider
http://www.darkintellect.com/spider/ah_l'amour.asf
Posted by: Erekose
wow, that was quite good
Posted by: uh...ok
She just smiled and said hi to me this morning.
At least we're still friends. That's a relief.
I guess keeping it is going to be up to me and my behavior...
-uh...ok
Posted by: Freak
You mean people actually DATE at MIT? Wow.
Posted by: Qui Gon-Jinn
Quote:
Originally posted by De Freak
You mean people actually DATE at MIT? Wow.
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There may be a class on it next semester..
Posted by: uh...ok
Actually there's probably a class related to that during IAP in January...
-uh...ok
Posted by: Shalome
I think they offered a course like that for freshman women at the state university I went to. It was called "Don't Drink While Dating or You'll End Up Drugged and Gang-Raped on a Frat House Bathroom and Drop Out and Become a Crack Whore with 5 Kids" or something like that...
If MIT offers it, though, they should definately make it OpenCourseWare. I know a lot of internet geeks who could use that class...
Posted by: uh...ok
Like me.
"How to get that girl you like."
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
The girl has to be somewhat attracted to you in the first place, or she will probably never want to date you, no matter how great you are around girls.
Posted by: uh...ok
Strange, the absolute opposite sentiment is occurring in the other fourm.
More quotes from our friend Angst, agree or contest it if you like... I just found it thought-provoking.
rule of thumb.
Guys fall in love with the girls they are attracted to.
Girls are attracted to the guys they fall in love with.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
Well maybe Shal would know the answer to that better than any of us, but girls don't just fall in love with guys like that. Sure they like personality and, but looks are always important, no matter what the sex.
Posted by: uh...ok
Well... I overheard her tonight... she was listening to "That Thing You Do" by the Wonders again, and she was going "oh my god this song makes me want to have a boyfriend!" hehe.. well then she started having a conversation about that with her roommate and talking about how it'd have to be someone she starts out as really, really good friends with first.
I don't even know if I qualify as a friend. I'm just "the nice guy next door."
-uh...ok
Posted by: Bobaroo
I would go become really good friends with her now
If you become friends with her it gives you the chance to become her "boyfriend" and if not you still gain a friend.
It is a win-win situation.
Posted by: Shalome
Sorry, Xtren, but I'm not the most girlish of females. I don't fall in love too easily, and neither do most of the women I know.
This could also be a stumbling point. I'm a bit older than uh...ok. Teenage girls behave a world differently than 25 year old females. Most of the time I know I'd love to go back to see myself when I was a freshman in college and scream "HEY SELF, WTF DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?"
And uh...ok, just for the record, your friend Angst over there sounds like a boy talking about a girl (young age implied). Not terribly mature, and he certainly has a disgustingly poor view of women. Get that man some positive female role models, STAT!
See, what guys tend to forget is that women are people, just like you. Yeah, we might smell better and have nicer hair and boobs and stuff, but we're still real human people who think and reason and feel -- not objects to be manipulated and who never know what we want, not hopeless fairy-tale romantics with no sense of reality, not naive needy emotional automatons who respond to every situation in the same way and never listen to our heads...
It's true, a lot of women out there struggle with things like self-esteem issues, learned behaviors that result in them going for guys like Angst there... and there are a lot of young naive women who honestly don't know themselves well enough yet to know what they want. Your friend Angst doesn't seem to take any of these things into account, and that fact does himself and the young women (and apparently young men as well, if you're listening to him) around him a great disservice.
Okay, I'm stepping off the soapbox for now. I just hate to see such ignorance and veiled misogyny out there.
*goes to put her big black boots back on and listen to some more Ani DiFranco while playing video games before going to her geeky job*
*that sentence was to kinda show I'm not the best person to speak for all women -- but hey, I don't know a single one who'd disagree with my thoughts, even though they might act to the contrary sometimes*
Posted by: Heathen
Quote from The Mask "Nice guys always finish last"
Its total crap.... get to know her, just be yourself mate... if its meant to happen ... it will
Trust me on that one. I'm no Dr Laura (I'm not racist or homophobic) but trust me.
Posted by: uh...ok
Shal... he's not a kid. He's about the same age as you are. He's just lived life a different way I guess... *shrug* whatever works. I mean I don't think his personality's necessarily bad - he's just gone through different experiences than you or I have.
And I don't carry the same viewpoints he does. If anything, I admire his confidence because it sure as hell is a lot better than mine.
And I doubt he really treats girls all that bad. But then again I haven't met him before, so I won't know.
-uh...ok
Posted by: uh...ok
Nice guys don't finish last because there's this guy who's a good friend of hers... and she's always all smiles around him... they're just friends yes... but I can easily see them together as girlfriend/boyfriend. I think they'd make a good couple actually.
And he's really nice too. He's cool to me and is very considerate of people in general. And the girls seem to love him.
I guess I'm not that nice after all. Since I envy him.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Fenix2004
This worked for me...
One day a few of my friends and me were bored so we decided to do the Billy Madison "Light the poop trick on fire" to my neighbor/ friends old girl friend. Natrually we did it and they saw us and we ran away and we thought everything was good. Of course one of my friends has to brag about it in school and the whole thing is traced back to all of us. Natrually I did not want a police record to destroy my college application so I went down to appologize to her. After talking with her and meeting her I found out she was a really great person and after a few days of getting to know each other, she likes me and I like her. So I guess if you want to go out with that girl light a bag of poop on fire and appologize...
Its risky but I have a great ability to talk myself out of things but I would not do it if I was you because I was just flat out lucky...
Posted by: Xtren
Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
Shal... he's not a kid. He's about the same age as you are. He's just lived life a different way I guess... *shrug* whatever works. I mean I don't think his personality's necessarily bad - he's just gone through different experiences than you or I have.
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And I even disagree with this guy.... he really is behind, and I don't know how many girls he got himself livong that way.
Posted by: Shalome
Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
I mean I don't think his personality's necessarily bad - he's just gone through different experiences than you or I have.
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Like you said.. whatever works. I'm just saying I've had the experience of dating a guy like him (or two, maybe 5). I'm not so sure he's ever dated a girl like me.
Posted by: Canis Lupus
From reading the contents of this thread I have learned that the best advice EVER is not to take anyone's advice in this thread....
Posted by: Heathen
Quote:
Originally posted by Canis Lupus
From reading the contents of this thread I have learned that the best advice EVER is not to take anyone's advice in this thread....
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LMFAO.... yeah this thread should help old uh...ok out just fine... and he was confused before this thread!!!
Posted by: NightMage
actually Uh...ok I'm 18 going on 19, and I talk from personal experience, I just have a very different view on life, in some ways I'm younger than what I am, I still have the whole act without thinking thing going, but I also know what I want and ways of getting it.
Posted by: Gunslinger
Quote:
Originally posted by Canis Lupus
From reading the contents of this thread I have learned that the best advice EVER is not to take anyone's advice in this thread....
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I will stand up for the interesting nature of this thread. Reading someone's comments on this kind of issue can really give you a large amount of insight into what kind of person they really are.
Posted by: elhior_manwe
hmmm shalome said enough, but to hammer it into your skull the fool who wrote that is just that... a fool. you will gain no ones respect by drawing game plans and stratgems with this WOMYN. those are for fools and children which i think you are neither. dating is difficult, embarrising, and silly...but being honest is the most important part...the younger you learn that fact of life the better.
Posted by: uh...ok
I told her... although I had it all prepared beforehand and when I actually talked to her about it I only managed to get "I like you" out of the whole thing... and that I wanted to be honest to her so she wouldn't be in the dark.
She was really nice about it... saying that I don't know her well enough yet and that right now she's not even thinking about having a boyfriend and everything...
In retrospect I should have remembered to ask her for the opportunity to get to know her better... and for her to get to know me better. Oh well, I can always ask that later I guess... or not...
I guess I can officially start getting over her, eh?
-uh...ok
Posted by: uh...ok
I guess it's comforting to know that at least I told her... to know that she knows as well now.
Oh well.
Now to find who stole my bike...
It's wonderful to lose your heart AND your bike in the same day.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
I told her... although I had it all prepared beforehand and when I actually talked to her about it I only managed to get "I like you" out of the whole thing... and that I wanted to be honest to her so she wouldn't be in the dark.
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Man that never works, don't plan these kind of things out, because you won't say what you want to say EVER.
Though it's a good thing that you did get your message out to her. From the way you described her reaction this shouldn't make a big difference in your friendship. You can just get to know her better, and you should feel much better about yourself, and much looser when you talk to her from now on.
Posted by: uh...ok
Yes we're still friends.
But we never were good friends... I was never really that important in her list of friends... in fact I'm probably the least important.
It looks like now that I've told her, it's gonna stay that way... not like if I didn't tell her the same thing wouldn't happen... *shrug*
A tiny part of me is regretting telling her, but I know that in the long run it was for the best.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
Sorry man, but you have the worst lack of self confidence I've ever seen. Feel good about yourself, try to think the opposite of what you're thinking. You would see how that would make things so much better for you. Wouldn't you feel great if you tried to make yourself think she might like you or something?
Posted by: Spider
I don't think self-dillusion would be great.
(After rereading that it sounds awfully harsh, I mean by "making yourself think [insert manufactured belief]" not that she wouldn't ever like you, you hawk you.)
They're friends, she doesn't know him well enough to want to go out with him right now, maybe she will be interested in more than a friendship sometime in the future, then again maybe not.
Either way, it's best not to dwell.
Posted by: Xtren
Yeah he's got to get over it that's all, unless he actually is going to change his attitude towards what he thinks she thinks.
Anyway, another girl will come along soon and he'll be seeking everyone's advice again before he knows it. That's just bound to happen.
Posted by: redwench
maybe this is just a man thing, but its not necessarily lack of self confidence. he could actually be seeing things as they truly are. if you think someone hates you, they most likely do. if you think someone is indifferent to you, they probably are. its called seeing reality.
Posted by: Xtren
Well than in that case it's just better to be pigheaded and not "see reality". That way he wouldn't have to put himself down all the time, and he wouldn't have to think about this girl 24/7 anymore.
Posted by: Chako
Heh
Too many people see what they want to see...not what they don't want to see..... reality.
These people are more apt to take no for an answer. They come across as creeps and date rapist, not to say the least, self centred and egotistical. Such people are more then likely to grab a bout of reality and commit suicide. Living a sham is no life.
So Xtren, how is this better then seeing things for what they really are? Besides, if he saw things not real, he would assume that she loved him with all her heart. Eventual reality will shatter that illusion eventually.
For those who do not see reality...the fall is higher.
On the flip side, being a pessimist and a dyed and true realist is no life either. Need a happy medium between being a dreamer and a realist.
Posted by: Null Actor
Does everyone see that I hate them?
Posted by: Xtren
Yes
Posted by: uh...ok
I've always been a dreamer my entire life... a hopeless romantic. One who grew up to Disney movies and fantastical fiction novels - knights of honor, valor, and chivalry. Treating people with respect and believing in a responsibility to watch out for others. One who believes in the best in people and the best that things could possibly be... thinking that there's someone out there waiting for me... an idealist. Naive and never learning.
But I have learned... my past experiences have taught me to face reality when reality comes to sock you in the face. This was the reality that I recognized from Day One in this case.
And Xtren, you're wrong. I've gone through similar experiences twice in my life already. Have you seen me post here for advice before this? No. I have real life friends to turn to, people who are close who I can trust and who understand me better because they know me personally. The only problem is that recently all of us have scattered throughout the continent - and although a cluster stayed behind in the same state, I have flown too far away from them.
As I have stated many times earlier in this thread, and as I'll state again, I posted not for advice but more for... just sympathy. Open ears and open hearts. Sometimes the best advice is not giving any. But I do appreciate everyone's efforts at helping, although sometimes such pieces of advice, I find, are just too ludicrous for me to even consider.
Yes, perhaps I'll go through the same thing with the next pretty face that comes along... I mean hell, it's already happened three times in my life if you include this one. Each time I learn a little more... I just wish it didn't cost this much. Yet, if I didn't go through all this, how am I to ever find her? "the one"? If you believe in such things... as I do. The idealist part of me isn't something I'd like to lose - and it isn't something I'm going to lose because it's a part of me.
Which is why I said that I'll get over this. Because I have done so before. Because I'm strong enough to do so. But as I've also said before, knowing this doesn't help in the getting over process. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel does not automatically put you there.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Fenix2004
I am sure there are plenty of other girls at your college that would love to meet a smart guy like you. Don't be too hard on yourself over one girl.
Posted by: uh...ok
Usually I'm only interested in that one girl... thus my problem... oh well, I hope this isn't true for this place...
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
You'll eventually get over but it'll come naturally. There'll eventually be a girl that will totally blow you away, and then you can start all over again. You just have to give it time.
Posted by: AK47
Uh ok-- just forget about this girl, lock yourself in your room and watch a whole lotta Star Trek: The Next Generation. That should make you feel good
Posted by: uh...ok
^--- another sign of the age we live in today.
Where expression is no longer considered acceptable. At least to *ahem* certain individuals.
I'm tempted to say more, AK, because I found your post offensive - but I won't. Because although I may not be as old or mature or experienced as you, I at least treat people with the dignity and respect that they deserve.
-uh...ok
Posted by: AngstMerchant
Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
I may not be as old or mature or experienced as you
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I wouldn't sell yourself too short there, UO. Take a good close look at the behavior of your assumed 'standard'.
Posted by: Foogar
It's hard to believe that most of the postings have been on topic. Uhok, I'm all for expression since it's not allowed where I work. If I express even the slightest bit of what I feel for a majority of our clientel I will not have a job. I deal with people who are (1) Drunk and can't read because everythings blury, (2) Unable to read at all, drunk or sober, (3) People so stupid I'm suprised they can find their way out of bed, and (4) Collection agencies.
You asked for serious advice and for the most part got just that, and yes I'm considering Chako's advice serious I personally think it takes a lot of nuts to admit an insecurity so here's to ya mate!
Posted by: The_Druidess
Uh ok hun just do what i do and pretend like your actually very sure of yourself and ask her the worst thing that could happen is she could say no or be rude and if she does either she aint worth your time. But hey what do i know about this kind a thing heh .
Posted by: Erekose
oh wow i got so shot down today, i hadnt even got my wings up. i saw this girl at school i knew from hs. well we sort of skirted dating in hs, flirting and talking and such. well i was going to ask her out in hs, but she was already dating someone, so that wouldnt have worked. well then they broke up and i was waiting to give her some time and a guy i knew asked her out after 3 days ( the bastard, how long are you supposed to wait before asking a newly single person out btw) so that sort of killed that. well he was an ass so they broke up, so then comes the senior prom. i had decided that that i wasnt going to ask her because she had been talking about getting back with her old bf. yeah well then my friend tom asked her to the prom ( i realised a wee bit too late that she was hinting at me to ask her  ). so thats the backstory, so anyways i saw her today in school and she had some time to talk so we talked. and just as i had gotten the nerve to ask her out, she told me about her boyfriends band... yeah well that sucked. thats okay though cuase were still friends, and ill be waiting if ever she is interested again
Posted by: The_Druidess
You werent shot down you just missed the go light. Heh silly males and even I dont know the wait time really i guess it depends on the person and how bad the breakup was.
Posted by: uh...ok
Dru... I already told her... you can find my post about that a page or 2 back.
-uh...ok
Posted by: The_Druidess
oh my ooppss than sorry and as I said if she didnt swoon at your feet shes not worthy of our uhok annyhow :P *Shiver* emotions are so messy *gets the mop out *
Posted by: uh...ok
Haha... no... she's just too cute and too good for me...
She has like at least 10 guys after her, I'd reckon... if I was in line, I'd be last... except I think I got kicked out of line because I'm not even good enough to stand in line....
Oh well, moving on... (let's hope)
-uh...ok
Posted by: The_Druidess
BAH *SPLUTER* WHAT well shes unworthy UNWORTHY I SAY!!! And I know what im talking about .
Posted by: Xtren
Quote:
Originally posted by uh...ok
She has like at least 10 guys after her, I'd reckon... if I was in line, I'd be last... except I think I got kicked out of line because I'm not even good enough to stand in line....
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According to what she told you none of those guys are actually good enough to be in line, she apparantly doesn't want a boyfriend in the first place.
Posted by: uh...ok
Well no, I know of a very likely candidate... she shot him down too but she pretty much hangs out with him all the time... If she ever decides to have a boyfriend it'll probably be him.
He's a really cool guy too, so I'd be happy for them.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Chako
Yes, she is unworthy of you. Uh ok...you have it all wrong.
You should be asking yourself.."Does she deserve someone like me". Not "she is too good for me". Nobody is too good for you. Thinking like that isn't healthy. Besides..if she can't figure out how sweet you are, then SHE missed the boat...not YOU.
Anyhow, if she turned you down..then you know the answer..and hopefully, you can get on with your life. From my thinking...you got your perspectives all messed up. Get that in proper perspective, and you should feel much better about yourself.
As they say...there are lots of fish in the sea...and your still young...so, there is lots of time to go fishing.
Oh, and by the way, Much like Foogar, I too think it takes a lot of guts to spill yours so to speak in this forum.
Posted by: uh...ok
I just wish I wasn't so damn picky. As I said before... usually I just have this... this thing where I KNOW whether or not I'm gonna like this girl and go crazy over her or not... and as I may have also said before, I don't come across those very often at all...
Sadly, they always seem to be as impossible as the stars above...
But yes, I know I can get on with my life. I gave up on her already and decided that.. if we were ever "meant for each other" then we'll get together somehow in the future. And if not, well hopefully by the time I realize that I'll have already moved on.
-uh...ok
Posted by: Xtren
There's nothing wrong with being too damn picky. In fact that's a good sign. If your standards are high than it is very likely you will be happy with the person you are dating... when eventually you do get to date them. Girls also like guys that are picky, that don't date just anybody for the hell of dating. It makes them feel better, or more important if you will, when you actually ask them out.
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