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Special Halloween Column (Boo!)
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Posted by: laborat
Halloween is cool cause it is one day of the year (for the less than bold at heart) to dress up in a fantasy costume. You can be whatever your imagination or lack of imagination gives you. Both viewpoints make a lot of money for the Candy Makers, the Dentists, and the Costume Shops.
It's scary to me how many Adults are children and how many Children are adults in this world. Gives me a permanent case of the Boos. I drink Booze. I sing the Blues. Alka-Seltzer was Blue Once. When they paired them up in a glass they Made them White. Coloring outside the Lines used to mean Bi-Racial Dating.
The Chicago Cubs got the Trick this year. Hope they change their costumes. Halloween. Where is Rocky Horror When You Need Some?
I want to throw some rice. No, Wait. I want to throw goats.
Lots of people in Chicago are going trick or treating as the Fan without a Stadium. (See: "Man Without a County) He was that guy who fragged a catch that could have cost the Cubbies the Series. Right down to the t-shirt he was wearing. The Real Costumed Wags in Chi-town are trading "Goat Balls" door to door for candy.
The hottest ticket in California is the First Annual Soot Monsters Ball. Designated to raise money to Educate the Rich in Estate Ecosystems vs Environmental Forces. Ornamental Grasses look good especially in Home and Garden Magazines and HGTV but why put dry stuff next to your houses? You put up Pine Trees in a Savannah Like grass and scrub hilltop? I'm sure the Green Party is all over this. I have always felt that in California, every day is Halloween. When I was there even the cars had masques. Sometimes when I looked at the traffic lights they looked back at me.They seem to spend lots of moneys on costumes there.
The Witches of the New England Area are looking around for the appropriate curses and cantraps to hurl at the respondents of the latest poll on Wierd Halloween Facts, which showed that people would rather burn Muslim Terrorist Bombers at the stake than Witches. I hope someone tells the Witches that this is a good thing for them.
Here in the Dull Midwest, I am spending Halloween Eve or All Hallows Eve or whatever you call it at a local bar hosting a Spooky Speakeasy.
If you come as a Gangster or a Moll or anything found in Chandler and the ten million other mystery paperbacks from the 30s, 40s, 50s. I am going as the CEO of ENRON. or maybe the CEO of HALBURTON. First prize is an Italian Pastry dish I have been lusting for since the Filming of Patton. So I'm Cheating.
I liked the bad guys in the old mysterys paperbacks. Golden Age of Detective Fiction. Most of them could have been heroes and some of them were before they took up a life of crime. And the movies in Black and White. The Shadow play in Black and White did the genre justice.
The Bad guys.
They did what they did because they:
liked to do it,
were good at it,
for money,
and sometimes just for the hell of it
or to save their brother, father, mother, sister, from a life of crime.
These days you got to have a mucho sicko psycho psyche to be a bad guy. We got to see how they tick. We got to see how bad they had it.
We don't read about them in paperback
unless you count the bad guys own stories
after they have committed a heinous act upon:
humanity,
the earth,
or the World Bank.
You read about them in Magazine. Newspapers.
You have to have a mucho sicko psycho sigh-chi. Or an Accountant. Or a CEO. Or a Mutual Funds Director. Or a Religious Fantanic with a following. Or a General who is a Religious Fanatic with a following. There doesn't seem to be enough good guys to go around.
If it's not for Fanatics of Faith having control of the Free World or the Not So Free World. It's for BIG money. I can understand that one. It's looking for that one BIG SCORE that motivates all of us. It makes us do strange things like buy lottery tickets or play bingo. It causes us to go into business just on an idea you thought up. We will always take chances if it furthers along the BIG SCORE.
But mostly its a mucho sicko psycho psi-Key broken into a thousand pieces and all the goverment programs and all the governments men can't put your humpty dumpty back to together again.
It's because your Mom did Crack when you were a fetus.
It's because your Daddy's on Death Row.
It's because your baby sitter shook you so hard
she threw your mind into a coma and then killed herself.
Hell all these modern bad guys got no way out.
If the Street don't get them.
If the Law don't get them.
If they don't get killed by their girlfriend.
If they don't get killed by their bestfriend.
If they don't get killed for being too stupid.
If they don't get killed for being too smart.
Something will get them.
Mother Nature.
Father Time.
Themselves.
Still doesn't seem to be enough good guys to go around.
Maybe they are all in Costume.
Maybe all the good ones are taken.
Maybe all the good ones have been corrupted by Darth Vadertypes.
My first Halloween Costume was Gene Autry.
No. Wait. It was...
Tom Mix? Lash Larue? Hopalong Cassidy?
No, my first Halloween Costume was Roy Rogers.
I had the white Cowboy hat.
I had the Leathery Cowboy Chaps
(in fake leather but with lots of brass buttons and fringe.)
The two pearl handled shiney silver plated cap guns
with the fast draw holsters.
I shot a lot of caps that Halloween.
If they didn't give out enough Candy
Well, Pilgrim. They got both pistols drawn on them.
Yeah, I sure shot a lot of caps that Halloween.
Even then I was learning that just standing there
in a doorway in a costume just asking for a treat
could not compete with a showy presentation.
You couldn't just mask yourself.
You had to show within or behind that mask
you had become unique.
Larger than Life. Flashy. Showy.
After a while I would turn and shoot
My Cap Pistols at the
Skeletons, Were-Wolves, Ghosts and Cinderella's
coming up the sidewalk for their turn at the candy.
Sometimes I got more candy if I did that.
I did it because I liked the smell of Cap Powder.
It took me to adulthood to really understand that one.
Some people never figure it out.
I'm still working on trying to figure out that one.
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