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Pages: 1
E-Auld E-Lang E-Zyne
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)
Posted by: laborat
Memorable Emails from 2003
(Things you can think about while I go off and check my neighbor’s barn for cows dropping…I said it right)
As Canis Lupus will attest, webmasters, moderators and online columnists get the best and the worst of questions, answers, complaints and stuff that seems to be at first glance a blend of all three of the above.
These are the stuffings I didn’t get around to answering until the OTS bomb squad checked out my email box.
10-19-03 “Something there is that doesn’t love a Cubs Fan”
This column generated the most email of them all this year. I am surprised that many Cubs Fans in Chicago have computers. I had always assumed unless something had a beer cap on it or you couldn’t put mustard on it, Chicago Fans left it alone. Nor do I intend to impale myself on Picasso’s Cow as many of the missives suggested. I consider the loss as a Cardinal’s Fan to be an act of God who is still steamed over Sosa corking his bat. (So much for a trade to the Angels next year, Sammy)
08-12-03 “Brat New World”
I strongly suspect one of OTS’s young wiseacres emailed this column to all the musicians on CoMoMusic.com, based on the emails I got off of this one. Besides the ones that claimed I was trying to stifle free speech and expression among the younger generations and compared me to Ashcroft (that one hurt), and other unnamed buttoned down shirts. There were several flattering references to me in adjunct comparison to Hendrix, Morrison, and Korbain. I suppose it would add to my Rock and Roll legend if I died of an overdose of some drug or another but why should I let someone else make all the money after I am dead? To be fair none of them actually wished I would die a horrible death only that I could make the world a better place if I went to the old elephant burial ground soonest. Upon rereading the column I was more maudlin (crying in one’s beer) than usual, which usually means I took too many anti-depressants that morning.
08-39-03 “Ebay Oh Boy!”
Like most idiots who shop online, I assume that caveat emptor (?) means it comes with some kind of cumberbund. The idiot (that’s me) as named in several emails that started out as dear Ebay Idiot (most of which I strongly believe came from Red Wench who loves to call me an idiot), suggested I go here, there, hither and yon and buy something less couch potatoey. (I am still considering the Wicker Basket that hangs from the ceiling -- another reason I think some of those emails came from Red.) There were several emails naming sites for sheets and pillows. (probably from EOT) For the record, not changing the sheets IS a GUY THING since most of us sleep on top of our bedspread anyways since we are never awake or sober enough to turn the bed down. Why change something that never gets dirty?
10-31-03 “Special Halloween Column Boo!”
My favorite email complaint (at least I think it was a complaint. It could have been a criticism of my style or lack of one) came after Halloween.
Dear Laborat,
You stuff your column with vague editorial content. Most of which is backed up by questionable facts. While this can be interesting some of the time, most of the time you seem to ramble like you were on drugs. (cough cough) When you come to a point where you should make one -- a point, you go somewhere else and never come back to it. You also seem to have problems with authority and seem to delight in finding fault with anyone in Government, Industry, Banking, and Law. You keep bringing up these grievances in odd places in your columns that do nothing for the reader but confuse them more. My advice? You should learn to write before you start writing.
Sincerely,
Blah Blah from Poughkipsee
Dear Blah Blah,
Thank you for the lovely Email. I agree with you that writers should learn how to write. Good Grammar and Punctuation is essential for the writer. If I could use the current Campaign Financing Bill as an example, people within Congress actually passed a bill that does absolutely nothing. They do this by being allowed to expand upon and edit their original remarks. While nothing in the Constitution says they can do this, it has been a Congressional Practice since Watergate. One of my favorite writers wrote: “One day in the not too distant future, no one in the world will be able to read or even want to. This bodes ill for the writer, the bookmaker, the librarian and the pencil maker.” That quote is one of the reasons I concentrate on Music as a musician and let the words fall where they want to. I don’t write well because I think it is a dying art form. (Slowly being killed by Athletes in Public Education) Why be good at something no one else can understand? Let’s face it, it is all about girls, beer, and a good time. If I have a style at all, I would define myself as being part of the Boston Turnstyle School. Drop in a token and don’t confuse the green line cars with the red.
Sincerely,
Labby
11-29-03 “The Christmas Spirit”
The Rush Limpblahs (and those who think he was framed on his drug charge) of the world always email me to complain that I probably diss Capitalism more than anything else in my columns. This is probably because I have never seen anything good come from having too much money or from having none at all. The fact that people with money are considered a minority group by the Republicans in this country just proves my point. When we abandon our ethics, planetary well being and sense of law to the almighty dollar, both man and dollar will be lessened.
Nothing like Christmas brings this fact home to me. We are exhorted to buy, buy, buy, presents for good little children, even bad ones. Parents fight each other to the death over the last (insert latest useless fad product here) left on the shelf. We Fed Ex or UPS our presents to loved ones all over the world because it is cheaper than simply flying to where our loved ones are and spending a real Christmas with them. Meanwhile Christmas is a nightmare for emergency rooms, counselors, and suicide hotlines. Seems to be the most depressing part of the year to most of the Western believers. The ones with money delight in taking a Christmas Turkey to someone one day out of the year. Yet the rest of the year most would pass the same family by as being just poor and not worth the time.
Don’t expect me to give up on dissing Capitalism, or Republicans for a long time.
Enough of last year. What about 2004? We gonna all come down with McMad Cow disease? There gonna be peace in the Middle East? Have we seen the End of Martha Stewart? Will the Cubbies make another run for the big one? Will the Campaign trail actually hold any surprises? What country is next on Bush’s Terrorist List? Will Letterman make an honest woman out of the mother of his child? Who will Madonna kiss next? Hillary Clinton? Can MJ actually have a fair trial? What prominent international corporation will admit they have overstated their earnings by several billion in 04? All of them? Will Battlenet actually be bought by the Koreans? Will OTS.net actually make a bid on Vivendi? Will the scales of genetically altered fish that glow in the dark be used in the newest laptop monitor screens? Will cowboy movies make a comeback?
Stay tuned. The new year is just around the corner. E-Auld. E-Lang. E-Zyne. Have a happy!!!
Posted by: taco_fox
Your post-things always have too many words
I'd email that to you, but this is easier
Posted by: Canis Lupus
Hahaha, great emails there labman ... I wish I had as much animated emails--- hmmm, no wait, forget that...
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