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taking a break
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Posted by: TwiztidJuggalo
well, if any of u remember my "Girlfriend's Dad Help" topic a couple of weeks ago, the ending to that story is her dad couldnt imagine a better person than me for her, and he dosnt hate me just my music, ok now a new problem has arisen. But its bout me n Jenifer (my gf, yes only 1 'n' in her name) this time. She is my first girlfriend ive ever really had, the first one i actually care about more than my own life, i know she is the one for me, i know we love each other so much. but recently there have been problems that have led us to take a week or 2 break from each other. we agreed to this, but we were both crying. she's really depressed, shes been crying for like 2 hrs now. i just wanna freaking die and ive been crying on n off now for the same amount of time. now i know this has happened to at least 5 other ppl here, so could you please help me out here, i wanna get back together ASAP. what did you do when something like this happened?
thanks i'd appreciate any advice to take me out of my hole ive dug and to get past the wall im building
-matt
PS - im sorry to bother everyone with my problems, but i know that ppl here wont laugh at or ridicule me, and i know that i dont talk much on here, but it feels like i know u ppl
Posted by: armystud0911
Relationships of that kind of magnitude aren't regulated by "quick tips" when you are really in love, you find all kinds of ways to renew what was lost, ways that are distinct to just you. It sounds like you two are nuts about eachother and that is by far the most important thing in a relationship. Since I do not know the circumstances of the temporary break up, I cannot offer you any advice. I will tell you this though, even if the worst of the worst happens and things don't work out with Jenifer, there is someone better out there for you. I'm really sorry that your going through this, I know what it's like, trying to describe to others the deepest emotions that are ripping through your soul and then feeling like no one could ever have feelings that intense. Never stop asking for help and never feel ashamed to do so either, we all have our bad times, for some people its worse others. Just cool down and don't let your emotions run off.
Posted by: 9:35
 Quote:
Originally posted by TwiztidJuggalo
i just wanna freaking die
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You're taking your first girlfriend way to seriously.
Posted by: Null Actor
Quote:
Originally posted by TwiztidJuggalo
i know she is the one for me, i know we love each other so much. but recently there have been problems that have led us to take a week or 2 break from each other.
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Your sentence says two different things.
Posted by: Null Actor
Quote:
Originally posted by 9:35
seriously.
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seriosly*
Posted by: XxOwnagexX
Quote:
Originally posted by 9:35
You're taking your first girlfriend way to seriously.
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I agree, but if you think is through (wate how old r u?) she mite be the one for you i think you should buy her a ring or some flowers or etc
Get her somthin nice and apoligize for what ever happend
Posted by: Bunmiadefisayo
Quote:
Originally posted by 9:35
You're taking your first girlfriend way to seriously.
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I really agree with you on that one man!
PS- dont love a girl "more than your life." I know it sounds bad but seriously, dont! Its bad for your health (mentally that is).
Posted by: Gerbilo
Take your time man, certain things may seem like they are taking an eternity, but it's just a blink of time if you do stay together forever.
Just chill, don't get too down, remember that a lot worse things could have happened. Just be cool, it'll all work out
Posted by: SpecOpsHoov
Quote:
Originally posted by XxOwnagexX
you should buy her a ring or some flowers or etc
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If you have to buy her something for her to be happy, then chances are there's a big problem at hand.
I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost two years now, and while I certainly can't say I know 100% how to make a relationship work without problems, there is one very important thing that I (like many others) have realized.
You two need to be able to communicate openly about whatever the problem is. If you can't talk to her, or she can't talk to you, then something's not quite right.
Now getting her to open up about whatever's bothering her is a whole different story. 
Posted by: redwench
take your break, and attempt to engage in some rational thinking processes. after a few days, the emotional nonsense should begin to dissipate, and you can evaluate whether you wish to continue. she needs to do the same, naturally.
now, what you need to evaluate is: whatever behavior annoys/irritates/pisses you off is not going to go away. if she flirts, shes always gonna flirt. if she shoots heroin, thats going to continue as well. people do not get an epiphany and go "omg, my killing of random strangers bothers studmuffin, i think ill stop now". can you live 60 years with said behavior(s), without constant criticism/nagging? if yes, wow, you might actually make it. if no, plan to move on.
Posted by: laborat
The purpose of dating is supposed to gain one some experience in what one does or does not like in the "ideal mate", and conversely what behaviors you might have (unbeknownst) that drive your potential mates to madness or depression.
Since the whole date thingy-will I ever find my true love? thingy-is at times both bittersweet and ridiculous, tragic and sitcomie...one's natural bent (those too lazy to love properly) will often find that the first opportunity is the ONE for them. One can't live without THEM!
It's not a situation where one can be blamed for such behavior. I know of no one who hasn't said to themselves let's get this part over with so I can get on with what I really want to do...well, that is a BIG MISTAKE. Often what we really want to do runs contrary to what a paired relationship would want to do.
And... most failed marriages or relationships begin way too early with the lifelong committment stuff...becoming parents at 16 or 17 really does make for a sucky early adult life when all your and her buds are out there partying up a storm in college or even just after work. Parents don't have that luxury.
My best advice to you would be to just let things go for now. Look inside for the truth of your feelings toward her and her feelings toward you. It is no big loss if you both decide to try dating other folks. If the relationship is meant to be you will get back together eventually. Meanwhile go out there and rack up some experience points in learning how to date without love being a factor, how to just be friends without a deep meaningful relationship, how to discern love from just loneliness, how to separate lust from lifelong committment. It's your life. It's her life. why don't the two of you just go out there and live some before you both decide?
Posted by: IceBreaker
Maybe you had a disappointment in love - haven't we all 
Then, later, we look back and think "how could I have taken this so seriously; how could I have been so foolish?"
If things work out, which I hope for you (think of it as a respite), so much the better. If not, mark my words you'll get over it - we ALL do.
Oh, one more thing, this may help in the future - avoid french women. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about
Posted by: 9:35
Quote:
Originally posted by Null Actor
seriosly*
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Oh okay thanks
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=seriosly
Posted by: Shalome
Quote:
Maybe that's the Canadian spelling.
Posted by: Blackknight
Emotions, when unstimulated, will eventually fade away and your rational side will come back. Take a moment for yourself and like redwench said, do some thinking.
But it seems to me if you guys are both so sad to be apart, then you shouldn't be apart.
Just see if this is girl is what your emotions tell you who she is. It will all workout eventually.
Posted by: 9:35
Quote:
Originally posted by Shalome
Maybe that's the Canadian spelling.
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If it is, then correcting an American would be a pretty stupid thing to do
Posted by: Bix VT
I guess it depends on what the problems were. I'd say you should probably just sit down and talk about the problem...every time I've had a problem with any gf I've had, after we sit down and talk about it everything works out for the better. Always.
And 9:35: AMEN.
Posted by: TwiztidJuggalo
ok guys here's what happened...she felt so sorry for what she did (no, not cheating) and i forgave her, but she's still sorry she says. But last night her dad picked me up and brought me to church with them like always, and eventually me and Jen made out some, held hands, and her mom even took a picture of us. so i think we will be back to 100% soon.
and cant remember who asked but i am 17 and she is 15
ok thanks ppl for all the help, i appreciate it, i knew i could get truthful and helpful answers from great ppl like you 
thanks
-matt
Posted by: Bix VT
Any time man.
Posted by: ZLRAC
When I first read this I thought to myself "Why is this post on this forum?" Now that I have read it though and seen the responses, I feel compelled to reply. The thing I don't understand is, if you both agreed to the breakup, and you're both upset about it, why don't both of you just agree to get back together? I would ask her this... Also I don't know if this will help you, but it relates to some past relationships I've had. It has to do with 'you always want what you can't have.' I have had girls who wanted to end things, or the relationship wasn't attainable for some reason, or they were too much of a challenge, or they didn't want me. The only thing that ever did was make me want them or the realtionship even more. Only after enough time had passed did I realize what an idiot I was for wanting something so much, something that I later realized was't in my best interest anyway.
Carl Z
http://ymail.flamingtext.com/ymail/...90672_20969.gif
Posted by: uh...ok
Quote:
Originally posted by laborat
The purpose of dating is supposed to gain one some experience in what one does or does not like in the "ideal mate", and conversely what behaviors you might have (unbeknownst) that drive your potential mates to madness or depression.
Since the whole date thingy-will I ever find my true love? thingy-is at times both bittersweet and ridiculous, tragic and sitcomie...one's natural bent (those too lazy to love properly) will often find that the first opportunity is the ONE for them. One can't live without THEM!
It's not a situation where one can be blamed for such behavior. I know of no one who hasn't said to themselves let's get this part over with so I can get on with what I really want to do...well, that is a BIG MISTAKE. Often what we really want to do runs contrary to what a paired relationship would want to do.
And... most failed marriages or relationships begin way too early with the lifelong committment stuff...becoming parents at 16 or 17 really does make for a sucky early adult life when all your and her buds are out there partying up a storm in college or even just after work. Parents don't have that luxury.
My best advice to you would be to just let things go for now. Look inside for the truth of your feelings toward her and her feelings toward you. It is no big loss if you both decide to try dating other folks. If the relationship is meant to be you will get back together eventually. Meanwhile go out there and rack up some experience points in learning how to date without love being a factor, how to just be friends without a deep meaningful relationship, how to discern love from just loneliness, how to separate lust from lifelong committment. It's your life. It's her life. why don't the two of you just go out there and live some before you both decide?
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It's gems like these that make these threads worthwhile.
Thanks Labo, that put some things in perspective for me as well.
Now if I can only just do it.
Posted by: Bunmiadefisayo
Quote:
Originally posted by TwiztidJuggalo
and cant remember who asked but i am 17 and she is 15
-matt
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You are too young (in my opinion) to be having such strong feelings. But then again, its just my opinion, after all i am just 2 years older than you. I say chill, ialthough it never ceases to amaze me the power females have over males.
Posted by: Xoncide
Quote:
Originally posted by Bunmiadefisayo
You are too young (in my opinion) to be having such strong feelings. But then again, its just my opinion, after all i am just 2 years older than you. I say chill, ialthough it never ceases to amaze me the power females have over males.
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Age is never an excuse to tell some one they are incapable of doing, or feeling something, if they can legitimately back it up.
My Thought:
If your relationship can’t handle problems with out taking a break, it is not a serious relationship yet.
Posted by: redwench
strength of feelings has nothing to do with age. they are too young to be seriously contemplating marriage/kids/roofing and siding.
Posted by: Xoncide
In Alabama they ain’t
Posted by: TwiztidJuggalo
well i appreciate everyone's opinion on this subject, thanks guys
-matt
Posted by: armystud0911
I have a girl that I am very interested in but it just ain't practical at this age, I just started college and those things really tax you. Enjoy being her friend, there isn't any one night stand or porno gratification that'll give you anything close to rock solid friendship with a female.
Posted by: Bunmiadefisayo
Ok, maybe i shouldnt have said it the way i said it. I just beleive that at that age, very strong feelings such as his, are unhealthy. I will admit i have had such strong feelings but i never let them overwhelm me.
Twisted, sorry about bringing up age and all. I am jsut trying to tell you to take it easy and not let these kind of feelings of "love" overwhelm you.
Posted by: Bix VT
I think the point Flanders is trying to make is: If you have a gf at that age, fine, just have a life other than her. Don't allow yourself to all-consumed with the relationship to the point where you lose all of your friends because you only spend time with her. After all...if she dumps you then you have no friends at all, and well, that just plain sucks.
Posted by: armystud0911
Well feilded Flanders and VT!
Posted by: Bunmiadefisayo
Quote:
Originally posted by Bix VT
I think the point Flanders is trying to make is: If you have a gf at that age, fine, just have a life other than her. Don't allow yourself to all-consumed with the relationship to the point where you lose all of your friends because you only spend time with her. After all...if she dumps you then you have no friends at all, and well, that just plain sucks.
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"wipes tears from eyes" Thank you!!
Posted by: Bix VT
Matt be warned: I speak from experience. 
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