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Diary of an AoL User
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Posted by: TheeMon
Diary Of An AOL User
July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is
the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk!
I'd better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me anther one! I
can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he
think I am?
July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It
wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old
next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America
Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he
says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart
and he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the
jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about
communications software. Bet they didn't know. And why do they put two
telephone jack holes in the back of a modem when you only need one?
And why do they have one labeled phone when you are not suppose to
hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone
sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out
by the sound.
July 26 - What's the Internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not
this Internet thing. I'm confused.
July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this
America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he
is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.
July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer
but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.
July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because
I'm connected to America Online not usenet.
July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital
letters.How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital
letters.Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
July 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN
ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TEACH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT
WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I
GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS
ISN'T THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THAT'S A STANDARD. I TOLD
HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE
HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT
GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.
AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT
IT CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.
AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS
JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER
SIDE! HA!HA! I WASN'T SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE
TIMES.
AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW
SPIDERS GREW THAT LARGE.
AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS
RUDE.I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO
REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASN'T SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22
MORE TIMES.
AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO
USE PROFANITY.
AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY
MESSAGES.WHAT A STUPID JERK. I'M NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING!
JUST TYPING! HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?
August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it?
Its probably an extra feature that costs more money.
August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so
exited.I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions
and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.
August 9 - I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I
will have to work on it some more.
August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a
few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face
of the earth. I wonder what an aol is.
August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about
something.Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked
and looked but I can't find that group.
August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking
where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask
the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my
house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework.
So they won't let him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of
humor. i don't know why the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken
joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts
about my 56 posts of the joke and they used bad words.
August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet
asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include
my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will
want to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add
that short story I like.
August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing.
I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.
[ March 21, 2001: Message edited by: TheeMon ]
Posted by: Canis Lupus
LOL, not exactly my experience as an ex-AOL user, but it's pretty close! Heheheh 
http://www.opentechsupport.net/down...ounds/aolad.ram
Posted by: BugBoy
I remember this from way back when, like 5 years ago or so I think. Perhaps longer. Still true though.
Posted by: CETORT
rofl
that's some funny stuff
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