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Yet another "dating" thread
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)
Posted by: uh...ok
While I know it's not a good idea in general to be posting about stuff like this, my curiosity outweighs my ego, so I make the following post with the invitation for whatever joking or criticism that entails its existence - don't worry, nothing you say can or will offend me (though I would not suggest you try  ). If you dislike reading about personal stuff like this, then I would encourage you to move on to another thread, nothing to see here. Otherwise, feel free to continue.
That said, this girl and I have been going out with each other for about a month now... I'm pretty sure we started out as her liking me more, because I was worried at the time that I was still not over a former "love". At the time, my biggest worry that whatever happened, I would not end up hurting her.
Time passed, and the more we talked and spent time with each other, the more interested she seemed to be in me (at least, it seemed so at first), and I began to enjoy the time we spent with each other. We never got really close though, simply because I was told by a close friend of hers (who is a close friend of mine as well) that she gets scared away by guys who try to get intimate with her too fast. So for almost the entire month, every time I walked her back to her door after a "date" (they were never officially dates, but I don't know what an official date is anyway), we just waved good night. I tried my best to respect her space and let her decide when she was ready for anything else.
Just this past week, she's been taking up offers from me to do her homework at my company at night (because her house has like 5 other people living there, so she can never get any work done there), and we've gotten to spend more time with each other... and as far as I could tell, nothing in particular went wrong. Well, except that I've been thinking more and more that maybe I needed to actually take some action to further this relationship, because what if she happened to be waiting for me to act first?
So last night, we had planned to go see the symphony together, and we went. But from the moment I picked her up I began feeling that something was a little out of place. She seemed to be keeping her distance from me, and after the program, she opted out of going to dinner and just asked me to bring her home. (Note: it's not that she didn't like the show, she loves classical music, which was why I planned for us to go in the first place.)
As I parked in front of her house, she hurried to get out of the car. I asked her to wait, and she... didn't quite wait... so I kind of pulled her back just ever so lightly and asked her to wait a second, I had to say something. She started talking, saying, "I had a lot of fun! Thank you for driving all the way out to San Francisco and back... wow, you're such a good friend!" I was so shocked by the alarm bells ringing in my head that I didn't even notice her get out of the car and start walking back to her door, or take note of the fact that I wasn't walking her back. I started driving away, but after a couple minutes, turned back, knocked on the door, asked for her, and when she came out, just said what she had always seemed to wanted to be reassured of, "I like you... and I just wanted to know what's going on on your side, if you just want to be friends or..."
And her story is that she thought she liked me as more than a friend for awhile, but then somehow realized that she wanted to just be friends, but thanks for everything. We hugged before I walked away (ironically our first hug ever), and.. yeah.
So now that I've given the somewhat elaborate context, the questions:
1) One of my close friends claims that I missed the "window of opportunity" somewhere in between. I assert that even if I caught the so-called "window of opportunity" (given that it existed in the first place), it probably would not have worked out anyway. What do you think?
2) What, if anything, did I do wrong, and what could I have done better? Obviously you don't have the whole story, so the scope of this question is rather limited.
3) It's obvious that she was attracted to me at one point, and somehow, that's no longer true. But I've always thought, "If a girl's not attracted to you, she never will", and that the converse was true as well. Women of this forum, you're probably the expert on this one: is there any chance whatsoever in the future that she may change her mind?
4) Comments, questions, suggestions? Haha...
Posted by: DemonBob
1. It never woulda worked out....In my opinion....
2. Nothing Women are good at making us guys feel like we did something wrong, from what you posted, you were respectful, but like you said, we do not have the "whole" story..
3. Where's redwench or shalome when you need them.
4. Move on.....I
Posted by: harpyhater
1) Yeah, you're pretty much screwed champ. You missed your shot. But, I say it MIGHT have worked... maybe... if you had acted a little sooner
2) You waited too long. A MONTH? *pimp-slaps uh...ok* Two weeks. If you think the girl might be scared by moving too fast, you wait TWO F*CKING WEEKS before you make sure she knows you're interested. Any less and you'll scare her. Any more and you run the risk of her convincing herself that it's not meant to happen.
3) uhh... good question?
4) Live 'n' learn... then don't do it again.
Posted by: uh...ok
Clarification - we've been going out for a month, but very sparsely since we're both really busy people.
Posted by: oderus1671
she just wants to be "friends"? ask her best friend out. it'll drive her nucking futs. did this once when i was younger, before i got married. beware though, this can (and prolly will) backfire. worked for a while for me, but never got a serious relationship out of it. the only other advice i can offer is move on buddy.
Posted by: TheeMon
listen to demon bob,
i wont answer your questions kuz i dont know the answers, BUT i was in the same exact boat as you like back in may, we "dated" for like 3-4months but never officially, she was a quite shy girl so i didnt push anything, then outa nowhere "i just wanna be friends" but she still calls me and asks me out on dates(still) im so lost... also when we first started hooking up she was diffently into me witch is what makes it even more confuseing...
my advice to you man, unless you picture your self seriously marrying this chick, move on... bitches like to play head games
Posted by: Bix VT
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Originally Posted by TheeMon
b*tches like to play head games
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that is the smartest and truest thing I have ever seen posted by you thee. I commend you.
Posted by: uh...ok
Give her (and women in general) the benefit of the doubt and please, a little more respect.
I don't think she did anything wrong - I mean, the whole purpose of dating is to find out whether or not you want to enter a deeper relationship with the other person. In this case, it was just that the answer was a "no".
But I'm just the analytical type that likes to do a post-mortem and see if I made any mistakes, so as to not make them again in the future. It's actually something I plan to talk to her about, since we're still good friends.
Posted by: Tyelly
See, she's sucking you in, it happened to my friend, and now if you say something about her he'll flip... She's brainwashing you...
Posted by: redwench
Quote:
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Originally Posted by uh...ok
So now that I've given the somewhat elaborate context, the questions:
1) One of my close friends claims that I missed the "window of opportunity" somewhere in between. I assert that even if I caught the so-called "window of opportunity" (given that it existed in the first place), it probably would not have worked out anyway. What do you think?
2) What, if anything, did I do wrong, and what could I have done better? Obviously you don't have the whole story, so the scope of this question is rather limited.
3) It's obvious that she was attracted to me at one point, and somehow, that's no longer true. But I've always thought, "If a girl's not attracted to you, she never will", and that the converse was true as well. Women of this forum, you're probably the expert on this one: is there any chance whatsoever in the future that she may change her mind?
4) Comments, questions, suggestions? Haha...
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1. your friend has fluff for brains. you are most likely correct, timing isnt everything.
2. you did nothing wrong, from the story you gave. she got to know you, and decided that you werent what she had in mind for a romantic partner, for whatever reason. someone making such a decision doesnt mean that there is anything wrong with either of you, just that this is not the right time, if it ever would be.
3. while it is of course possible that she will change her mind, given what you described, its unlikely. people can certainly change their minds about an initial decision with high frequency, but it sounds like she put some thought into this one after getting to know you for a while. that she choses not to date you doesnt mean shes not attracted to you, those are different issues. it is possible to become attracted to someone youve known for a while though.
4. suggestion: you can keep in touch on occasion, but i would respect her decision and move on. its up to her to communicate a change in her wishes, pursuing her wont help matters beyond that. go look for someone that is interested in the type of relationship you want, and dont obsess over this.
Posted by: IceBreaker
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Originally Posted by uh...ok
One of my close friends claims that I missed the "window of opportunity" somewhere in between
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You can say that again http://forum.presence-pc.com/images/perso/goret.gif
Posted by: uh...ok
Well I'm planning to keep in touch... in fact, I plan to be as good of a friend to her as she wants me to be... though of course it's a delicate balance and fine line that I'll always need to watch out for now.
Given my obsessive nature and personality, it's going take me much effort to not overthink this one, but I will try my damnedest. 
For what it's worth, some of my best friends now were once interests. No matter how things work out, I got this.
Posted by: TheeMon
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Originally Posted by uh...ok
I don't think she did anything wrong - I mean, the whole purpose of dating is to find out whether or not you want to enter a deeper relationship with the other person. In this case, it was just that the answer was a "no".
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was that referring to me or you?
if it was me then, if the answer was JUST no i wouldnt bitch, but the girl doesnt want a relationship but still wants to date/fool around like were dating witch pisses me off
the reason it pisses me off 1, fooling around=no sexual contact(not even boobs) 2, shes being a tease
but this isnt my thread, its yours back 2 ur girl
Posted by: uh...ok
Quote:
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Originally Posted by TheeMon
was that referring to me or you?
if it was me then, if the answer was JUST no i wouldnt bitch, but the girl doesnt want a relationship but still wants to date/fool around like were dating witch pisses me off
the reason it pisses me off 1, fooling around=no sexual contact(not even boobs) 2, shes being a tease
but this isnt my thread, its yours back 2 ur girl
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Eh, that was referring to me. But my mistake in missing your entire paragraph.
Posted by: uh...ok
Well, she just told me that she's the kind of person who takes a really, really long time deciding whether she likes someone... to find out what kind of person he truly is.
So I don't plan on giving up anytime soon.
Posted by: Muggle_Man
lol, man, pretty much the same exact thing is happening to me, and I think I'm kind of obsessive too,  , I'm also trying to get over someone, well, I think I have by now, but anyway, ( I can't believe I'm typing this, lol) I met this girl a month or two ago, we haven't really gone out per say, cuz she lives in N. C. >_<, and I'm stuck in the many forests of Maine at the moment, (I. E. the next couple of years) We've talked a lot, and we've learned a lot about each other ( I swear wenchy if u tell them any details of the sich I will freak out!!! O_o lol, jk) but, I'm not entirely sure how to..."take the next step" which would be either actually talking to her (on the phone) or literally going to meet her, or meeting somewhere, gah, (it's funny that we're talking about these things on a tech support site, but wateva!! where all family here!! .....O_o) I'm in it for the whole thing, not just dating, i'm talking about the whole shabang, (marriage not sex u pervs, lmao..although...AGH!!! TMI!!) Anyway, in probably either my most idiotic or love-maddened moment of my entire life, I blab the big three!! "I love u" Gah!!! I was being serious, I really do love her, but it was only a few weeks after meeting her, but since she rocks so much, she didn't freak out or even get weirded out, she just asked me why I thought I was, and I gave her several justafiable reasons, and also it was kinda love at first "site" and sight, which she thought was funny, but anyway, now I'm kinda stumped as what to do next...yeah...that's about it...(srry if I'm kinda stealing your thread uh..ok, lol) any comments or suggestions would be welcome, don't really care if i u think it's funny or make a joke out od it, cuz I'll most likely hunt u down and kill u very slowly...msot likely (ask wenchy if u don't believe me, she knows how crazy I am )
Posted by: harpyhater
heh, well I've been in pretty much the same situation for the last like two months bro... except I'm in NC and she's in Texas... anyways, she told me tonight that she fell out of love with me, so we're taking some time out from our relationship and going back to the good friendship that we had before we started going out. We're already starting the healing process, and hopefully it'll put her back in touch with what she loved about me in the first place...
*sigh* love sucks... kinda.
Posted by: DemonBob
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Originally Posted by harpyhater
*sigh* love sucks... kinda.
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Correction fellow friends "Love Hurts."
Posted by: mlbz420
every one has it wrong....respect them for sure... but dont sit around on your hands all day. a girl wants her ego fed like anyone else. if you dont show your attraction to her she will soon feel self concious and wonder why your not moving closer.
plain and simple, most girls/ women want to be pursued. they want to feel attractive. wether it be the way you look at her, the way you sit next to her...etc.. let her know you think she is the most important and beatiful thing on your mind.
if they are the slow type then take it that way ...slow.....but dont avoid conntact at all. if you dont feel confident enough by the end of the first "date" to leave it with at least a hug chances are its not going to work out anyway.
your in a perfect opp. you both worked a lot so there was plenty of time for her to miss you. if she doest have the memory of the way you smelled when you hugged her, or the way you ran your finger tip along her fore arm while talking or watching a movie, or grazed the small of her back with your hand through the doorway to think about, then there is nothing to build that neccesary "tension" to make her excited to see you the next time.
Those examples of subtle contact are what keeps the buddy vibe at bay......In my opinion there is no "window". there is no such thing as too fast or too slow, just whats right. if there is any chemistry beetween two people at all you will know it right away. and from that point if there isnt a natural proggresion of affection then she is bound to loose interest.
Posted by: mlbz420
oh and MUGGLE MAN why dont you have HARPYHATER find a girl in maine thats talking to a guy in texas and you can all work out a trade.........
Posted by: Bishop
best idea ever.
Posted by: Shalome
Quote:
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Originally Posted by uh...ok
So now that I've given the somewhat elaborate context, the questions:
1) One of my close friends claims that I missed the "window of opportunity" somewhere in between. I assert that even if I caught the so-called "window of opportunity" (given that it existed in the first place), it probably would not have worked out anyway. What do you think?
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Considering you are far more familiar with the situation -- and the girl -- than your friend is, I'd say your feelings are correct. If you'd jumped in and tried to hit that "window of opportunity" when the overall situation just wasn't right, you might not even be on friendly terms with her anymore at all.
Quote:
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2) What, if anything, did I do wrong, and what could I have done better? Obviously you don't have the whole story, so the scope of this question is rather limited.
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What did you do wrong? I'd say the only thing you did wrong was become attracted to a girl who didn't know what she wanted and was sending mixed signals. Happens to the best of us, man.
Quote:
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3) It's obvious that she was attracted to me at one point, and somehow, that's no longer true. But I've always thought, "If a girl's not attracted to you, she never will", and that the converse was true as well. Women of this forum, you're probably the expert on this one: is there any chance whatsoever in the future that she may change her mind?
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Yup. Contrary to popular belief, women are people too, and have the ability to change their minds. Some of us have even found ourselves attracted to a man we didn't find attractive until we got to know him a lot better.
Posted by: Erekose
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Originally Posted by shalome
women are people too, and have the ability to change their minds.
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heh that mya just be the understatement of a life time 
no, but seriously, goodluck on this one, uhok.
Posted by: uh...ok
Thanks for all the great feedback guys. As much as I'd like to believe that there's nothing I could have done, mlbz's post has nonetheless gotten me thinking ever since I first read it.
Oh well, it's a slow learning process, and if anything, all I can to do is to try to take at least one thing out of this and be able to use it in the future.
Posted by: IceBreaker
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Shalome
If you'd jumped in and tried to hit that "window of opportunity" when the overall situation just wasn't right, you might not even be on friendly terms with her anymore at all.
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He might have been better off that way
Posted by: uh...ok
Quote:
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Originally Posted by IceBreaker
He might have been better off that way
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I definitely don't believe in that, and it's a pity that you would.
Posted by: redwench
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Originally Posted by uh...ok
mlbz's post has nonetheless gotten me thinking ever since I first read it.
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stop overanalyzing. it didnt work out, period. his offerings are no more accurate than anyone else's, hes not mohammed. if you had pawed her as suggested, there is no guarantee it would have turned out any better.
Posted by: IceBreaker
Quote:
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Originally Posted by uh...ok
I definitely don't believe in that, and it's a pity that you would.
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The Torment of Tantalus is definitely not my cup of tea.
And the very existence of this thread suggested that you thought likewise.
Apparently I was wrong...
Posted by: Blackknight
You didn't screw up at all, and while we all tell you that you didn't, you're still gonna analyze it anyways. But you didn't.
Let's see all the things you did do well:
1) You respected her
2) You were conscious of her feelings
3) You were patient
4) You took her to a date that she wanted to go on
and
5) You were able to sense when things were wrong and you talked about it, instead of waiting.
Ya seem like you've got your fundamental skills of treating people down, which puts you ahead of 60% of people.
You really can't blame yourself for this one. Sparks didn't go off, and it sounds like the chemistry that would have allowed you to advance the relationship didn't develop.
Posted by: mlbz420
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Originally Posted by redwench
stop overanalyzing. it didnt work out, period. his offerings are no more accurate than anyone else's, hes not mohammed. if you had pawed her as suggested, there is no guarantee it would have turned out any better.
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Redwench is officially my favorate person on OTS.........lol
Posted by: IceBreaker
Quote:
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Originally Posted by redwench
stop overanalyzing. it didnt work out, period. his offerings are no more accurate than anyone else's, hes not mohammed
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http://forum.presence-pc.com/images/perso/alex666.gif
Posted by: uh...ok
I didn't mean to say that his words had any more accuracy than anyone else, but it offered a different view, so as a result it made me think more - because I hadn't quite looked at it that way before.
Thanks again, all.
Posted by: mlbz420
it is not my intent to make anybody think.......please disreguard my prior posts...........
Posted by: redwench
Quote:
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Originally Posted by mlbz420
it is not my intent to make anybody think.
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excellent! youll fit right in.
Posted by: TheeMon
yes he does, glad to see fellow 420ers too
Posted by: mlbz420
although i do condone the occasional recreation. its not what you think. i used to ride moto-x for a few companies here in so-cal and that was the number on my bike for the first two seasons..........lucky me...  
Posted by: TheeMon
mlbz you aint gotta dodge around it here, these aint stupid people and they know what 420 means
Posted by: Bix VT
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Originally Posted by TheeMon
these aint stupid people
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Posted by: TheeMon
dude i live right beside the ohio river(witch means right beside West Virginia) my engrish aint too good
Posted by: mlbz420
Posted by: harpyhater
uhh... yeah... sure, hooray for threadjacks?
Posted by: uh...ok
Hooray for 9-day old thread bumps?
Posted by: Simetra
Hey Uh...ok Long time no see. As for what happened, I dont think you did anything wrong just by following her lead and giving her her space. If she's interested in more, she wont turn you down for other activities that you suggest you do together. She may have been hurt in the past by someone and plays her cards very carefully. You never know.
If it's meant to be, things will come full circle in time.
Posted by: mlbz420
um, does anyone want to go after the full circle thing or should i?????
Posted by: uh...ok
I've always been a big fan of the whole fate and destiny thing and "meant to be" stuff - but at the same time, I'm also a big fan of taking action.
At the risk of being corny, I'll quote My Sassy Girl: "Fate is building a bridge of chance for someone you love."
Posted by: 9:35
Quote:
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Originally Posted by mlbz420
um, does anyone want to go after the full circle thing or should i?????
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u shld
Posted by: harpyhater
The English language is your friend.
Just sayin...
Posted by: Sindy
Careful in this friendship thing If she has made up her mind to just be friends ( I don't know her)
but yes there is a fine line you risk the chance of being used until someone else comes along.
PS. I am a girl I was once dating a gentlemen that was passive but took me to many new places and was truly good (and not bad looking) but he did not act on any sexual advancement (hugging, kissing). I did lose interest and moved on. It may have been different if he had shown some interest there I was not one to make the first move.. anyway good luck in your endeavors.
Posted by: mlbz420
http://thumbs.streetfire.net/78D59A...96B5175A326.jpgClick here to see Video
Posted by: matt.modica
Quote:
1) One of my close friends claims that I missed the "window of opportunity" somewhere in between. I assert that even if I caught the so-called "window of opportunity" (given that it existed in the first place), it probably would not have worked out anyway. What do you think?
2) What, if anything, did I do wrong, and what could I have done better? Obviously you don't have the whole story, so the scope of this question is rather limited.
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You may have missed the window of opportunity, however I think she still would have decided to leave you, although it may have been a little later. And it apperas you did nothing wrong, but that she just made a decision that she was not right for you. It is an acomplishment that you are still friends, though.
Posted by: uh...ok
Why is this thread still here.
Posted by: redwench
because it is haunting you.
Posted by: Bishop
what was once a lifeless mass of flesh and tissue...
Posted by: uh...ok
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Originally Posted by Bishop
what was once a lifeless mass of flesh and tissue...
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...has become the thread known as "Word Association"?
Posted by: redwench
Yes!
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