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It's Joke Time!
(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)
Posted by: Tweaker
3 guys are in training to be F.B.I. agents. The have passed all of the tests that the instructor has given them so far, and they are down to one final test. It is to go into an office that their wife is in, an shoot her, to prove themselves worthy of being an F.B.I. agent. The first guy goes in, he is in there about 30 minutes, and says he can't do it. The second guy goes in, he is in there about 1 hour, and he comes out and says he can't do it either. The third guy goes in, he wastes no time, as soon as the door shuts he empties the clip. Then it is quiet for a moment. Then you here some commotion going on in there. He comes out and says to the instructor, "Why didn't you tell me there were blanks in the gun, I had to beat her to death with a chair."
Posted by: Bishop
I'd post mine, but some of thoose people might get offended by using a microwave in such ways.
Posted by: Spork Lover
tweaker: lol that was pretty good...
A cop pulls over a couple for speeding. he walks up to the driver and says, "I clocked you doing 80 sir." The driver(male) responds by saying "I had it on cruise at 60." The wife chimes in and says "dont be silly, we dont have cruise."
The cop begins to write the ticket, and the Male says to the female "cant you just shut up?". The female responds "you were lucky the radar detector went off when it did."
The cop upon hearing this begins to write another ticket for the radar detector, because they were illegal in that particular state/country. The male then says"damnit woman cant you just keep your pie hole shut?"
The officer then looks at the woman and asks.. "does he always talk to like this?" The woman replies by saying "no only when he has been drinking."
Posted by: Bishop
There are only two solutions to that problem.
Divorce, or Murder.
Posted by: smithersdd
hey spork lover, that one is pretty good, hehe.
An Irish guy goes to the doctor's office and is told that he has cancer and is to die very soon. The man goes out into the waiting room and tells his two sons.
"the doc' says I only have a few weeks to live cause of cancer, but u no wat, we Irish drink to the good drink to the bad, lets go to the bar.
They go to bar and order a couple of pints when a couple of the man's buddies come in. they ask:
"hey what are you drinking to tonight?"
(guy)"oh, the doctor said I got AID's, but the Irish drink to the good, drink to the bad.
(friends)"then lets have a couple of pints to that"
After they leave the guy's kids ask
"hey dad, i thought the dock said cancer, not AID's"
(guy)"I know, but I dont want any of those guys foolin' with ur mom.
Posted by: Bishop
Wasn't that just posted here a couple of days ago?
Posted by: rockjock
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Ladin and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you each one wish, that's three
wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afganistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afganistan.
"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable."
"UncleSam" says, "Fill it with water."
Posted by: Gunslinger
I will ask before posting my joke.
It could be quite offensive to someone religious. It really is a play on a religious situation/icon, but, I'm just testing the water.
Anyone opposed to a Jesus joke (it's a good one I promise)?
Posted by: Chako
Well here is my contribution..
Mark was lying in the hospital bed and when he came to, smothered in bandages from head to toe with both legs in casts, his friend Joe was at his bedside. "What happened, Joe?" "Well Mark, do you remember going to Bill's wedding and we had a lot to drink." "Yes" Mark said. "And do you remember after the wedding, we went up 10 stories to the top of the King Building, and you turned to me and said "Watch me! I'm going to fly down Bridge Street, take a left at Star Street and land in the harbor?" Mark groaned and said "And you didn't try and stop me?" "Stop you?" cried Joe."Stop you? I thought you could do it!"
Posted by: Bobaroo
What do you call a sleep walking Nun...
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A roman Catholic....AHAHAHA..
Posted by: smithersdd
I don't know, but I didn't get it from here. 
Posted by: Gunslinger
Well, here's my jesus joke.
Q: Why do women love Jesus Christ so much?
A: Because he's hung like this. (imagine your arms spread spread out, in the position of being on the crucifix)
I'll remove it if it's offensive.......but it is funny.
Posted by: Qui Gon-Jinn
LOL... that's funny..
Posted by: Hackenslacker
If Bishop won't, I will:
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the window?
A baby in a microwave.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the window every ten seconds?
A baby in a rotating microwave.
Posted by: Canis Lupus
A king once held a contest to all brave men in exchange for the hand of his daughter, the princess, in marriage.
All the men in the kingdom assembled in the king's courtyard to hear what the king's contest was.
It turned out that the contest was for whoever can swim the fastest from one end of the river to the next. The river was about only 25 feet wide.
The men laughed and said "no problem" - until the king ordered a goat to be dropped into the river - after an excessive amount of splashing, the goat came to the surface, all bones. There were piranha in the river.
Instantly, the men backed away and started leaving. The king cried, "Is there no one else in this kingdom with raw courage and daring?"
Suddenly, there was a big splash from the river, and the king saw someone swimming like an arrow through the river. The person reached the other side in just a few seconds.
The king rejoiced and said, "Finally, you are the brave man who can marry my daughter!"
The man on the other side of the river just looked at the king, and all the other men, eyes squinted in intense anger, and was trying to stop himself from saying something.
The king was confused and asked, "What do you need to say, my brave subject? I give you permission to speak!"
The man on the other side of the river appeared to look angrier, and finally said:
"Who the **** just pushed me in?!?!"
Posted by: ZeRo_MaXwInG
What is "pi"?
Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.
Engineer: Pi is about 22/7.
Physicist: Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005
Computer Programmer: Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.
Nutritionist: You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!
This one is better
One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math. So, he walks down to the fire department and announces that he wants to become a fireman.
The fire chief says, "Well, you look like a good guy. I'd be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test."
The firechief takes the mathematcian to the alley behind the fire department which contains a dumpster, a spigot, and a hose. The chief then says, "OK, you're walking in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire. What do you do?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, I hook up the hose to the spigot, turn the water on, and put out the fire."
The chief says, "That's great... perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question. What do you do if you're walking down the alley and you see the dumpster is not on fire?"
The mathematician puzzles over the question for awhile and he finally says, "I light the dumpster on fire."
The chief yells, "What? That's horrible! Why would you light the dumpster on fire?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I've already solved."
Posted by: Outlaw
 Quote:
Originally posted by Hackenslacker
If Bishop won't, I will:
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the window?
A baby in a microwave.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the window every ten seconds?
A baby in a rotating microwave.
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Got a few more of those
<snip>
Posted by: Ion Silverbolt
I don't know what's more disturbing. The fact that those jokes exist, or the fact that some people think they're funny...
Either way, I think some of these jokes are too vulgar for the general public.
Posted by: Bishop
My situation was rather odd, being that I have a rotating microwave and the exacts were happening as I read the joke.
Posted by: Chako
Agree with Ion.
These remind me of the sick Helen Keller jokes 7 year olds used to tell. When I was that age, I still felt the same...revolted.
Posted by: Canis Lupus
courtesy of LT
HOW TO WASH A CAT
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, he is actually enjoying this.)
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely,
The Dog
Posted by: Shalome
WARNING: stupid geek humor ahead!
Three computer users -- a Linux user, a Mac user, and a Windows user -- are taking a road trip. Along the way, the car suddenly dies. The Linux user, who is driving, is dumbfounded. "This has never happened before!" he says. "This machine has run fine for YEARS!" The Linux user turns to the Mac user and says "Get out and go look under the hood and check the engine."
"Hood?" asks the Mac user, wondering where the 'hood' was, and what an 'engine' could be, and what they have to do with making a car go.
The Windows user says calmly, "Don't worry, I've been driving since 1995 and this happens all the time. All we need to do is take the keys out of the ignition, get out of the car, get back in, and start the car back up. It'll run just fine!"
Posted by: Chako
The ten rules of tech support.
#1. Voice mail options are to be changed every Monday, to ensure that customers must listen to ALL the endless options before being able to make a choice. Note: Be sure to put "Speak to a Tech Support team member" at the very end of the list, right after "If you need to order an instruction manual in Mandarin, press 202."
#2. If a customer is calling about a software problem, immediately blame their hardware.
#3. In order to maintain good customer relations, only put a caller on hold if you are taking a 15-30 minute coffee break. If you are taking a full lunch hour, take their number. Then throw it away and wait for them to call back
#4. If a customer is calling with a hardware problem, immediately blame their software.
#5. Remember: To the customer, you're a god, a genius who's 100 times smarter then they are. Feel free to talk down to them. NOTE: Don't worry about answering questions from computer savvy nerds. Since they don't call Tech Support, you'll never have to answer a question that you can't fake your way through.
#6. If you have no idea what the customer's problem is, simply tell them "You obviously don't have the latest upgrade." Then instruct them to search for it on the Web -- that will keep em busy for months.
#7. If it turns out a customer is calling with a valid problem that you already know about, say: "I've never heard of that happening before, but I'll ask a senior engineer. Please hold." Then, after your coffee break, come back on the line and give vague, confusing instructions on how to fix it.
#8. AOL is the official scapegoat for any hardware or software a customer may experience. AOL has screwed up so much over the past two years that anyone will accept AOL as the cause of their problems -- even if the don't have AOL!
#9. Always be sure to ask the caller to list the other programs they're using. When they name the third one, immediately blurt out: "Oh, there's your problem. That program isn't compatible with ours."
#10. As an absolute final resort: Tell the customer that an upgrade that will fix everything will be available in two months. This will buy us enough time to work hard..to update this excuse list!
_________________________________________
Help Desk Call
"Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah--at least he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if he's kicked out his monitor's power plug.] "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
[pause] "Yes, it is."
[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send him hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor he has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
[muffled] "Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
[still muffled] "I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
[clear again] "No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power cut."
"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]
This story apparently is true until this point... but someone added the following ending:
"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!" [slam]
________________________________________
Now if you like those, you should go to this site where I took them...have a ball...god I love this stuff!
http://www.scotsmist.co.uk/humour.html
Posted by: Null Actor
Bad math/programmer humor (Which I'm sure no one will understand).
What do you get when you cross and elephant with a mountain climber?
You can't. A mountain climber is a scalar.
Posted by: Swilo
What would that make the elephant, a vector?
It's more of a physics problem though.
Posted by: rockjock
Sam has been a stock broker for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 10 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded and burly Vermonter standing there.
"Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from two miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday at 7... Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem... After 25 years on Wall Street, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Damn," Sam thinks... "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I wear?"
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us."
Posted by: rockjock
I just received this one and I do not remember hearing it before.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"
The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While
Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal
what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy
a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to
the first-grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed
to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think
Harry can go to the third-grade."
The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Harry both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Harry replied, "Pockets."
Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious
and contains thin whitish liquid? The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Coconut
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog
do on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could
stop the answer...
Harry: Shake hands
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best
man always has me first. (Principal was looking restless and bit tense.)
Harry: Wedding Ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me,
you feel good.
Harry: Nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow
Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of
excitement?
Harry: Firetruck
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in
the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
Posted by: Null Actor
Quote:
Originally posted by Swilo
What would that make the elephant, a vector?
It's more of a physics problem though.
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Actually, it's 3D math. Which is used in physics and 3d programming.
But yes, you'd have to assume the elephant is a vector.
But I ask... a vector for what?
Posted by: AltronHGX
You guys have been sniffing too many of the weird fumes coming from grammy's room
Posted by: smithersdd
heh, good un. here, I got a good one too.
One day a guy walks into a bar with a little monkey. everyone thinks he is so cute until he walks along the bar, takes a nut from the little dish, sticks it up his ass and takes it out and eats it. All the people r discusted and leave. the bartender says
"wat the f***, ur f***ing monkey just ate a nut after shoving it up his ass!"
the guy responds
"oh, he's got to measure everything he eats ever since he swallowed the 8-ball on the pool table whole.
Posted by: Asmodai
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunslinger
Well, here's my jesus joke.
Q: Why do women love Jesus Christ so much?
A: Because he's hung like this. (imagine your arms spread spread out, in the position of being on the crucifix)
I'll remove it if it's offensive.......but it is funny.
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Heh.
That was great...
Posted by: rockjock
This is almost a sure bet to p**s off your wife or girlfriend.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be open when she brings it to you!
Posted by: Canis Lupus
Rodney Dangerfield's best:
-- I was so poor growing up... If I wasn't born a boy... I'd have nothing to play with.
-- A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
-- During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
-- One day as I came home early from work.... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy... "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
-- Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
-- I was such an ugly kid........When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
-- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
-- I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
-- I'm so ugly...My father carries around the picture...of the kid who came with his wallet.
-- When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry, we did everything we could......But he pulled through.
-- I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.
-- I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
-- Once when I was lost... I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him.... "Do you think we'll ever find them? "He said. "I don't know kid..there are so many places they can hide."
-- My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
-- I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
-- I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
-- I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
Posted by: smithersdd
hahahaha, thos r good
2 hard-core bungee-jumpers decide to go to Mexico and make a bungee tower. as they build it, a whole crowd of Mexicans surround it and look at it amazed. When it is finished, they decide to give the Mexicans a demonstration. one of the guys hooks up and jumps. when he bounces up he has a couple bruises and scratches and the other guy is wondering what they were from. when he bounces up the second time, he looks hurt, all bruised cut and sore looking. the other guy tries to grab him, but misses. when he bounces up the third time, he looks like a rag doll, broken bones, gashes, and huge bruises. the other guys grabs him and pulls him in. he asks
"wat the f*ck happened, r you okay?"
the other guyy responds,
"uh, aah yes i think so, uuuhhhh aaaah, but wat the hell is a piñata?"
Posted by: rockjock
The New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door.
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the big T!
11. When Jesus broke bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God!"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Posted by: smithersdd
An Amish guy and his son walk into a mall. they look around and they are amazed at what they see. 3 levels of lighting things, people wearing odd clothes, and even moving stairs. then they walk over to 2 big silver doors. they are staring at it in wonder when an old lady walks over, presses a button and the doors swing open. there is a small room in which the woman walks into. the doors then close and they hear a slight swoosh. then numbers above the doors start lighting up. they stop for a little and start descending. again a slight swoosh is heard and the doors slide open again. out walks a beautiful woman. the boy looks to his father and asks
"what is it?"
he tells him
"I have no idea, but go get your mother"
Posted by: Gunslinger
*bump*
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering frim a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress.If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die:
"Each morning fix him a healthy breafast. Be pleasant and make sure he's in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Dont burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him it will only make him stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of sporting event on T.V. And most importantly make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim.
"If you can do this for 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home the husband asked his wife , "What did the doctor say?"
"You're gonna die." she replied.
Posted by: rockjock
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a teenage boy with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black make-up around his eyes. The old man just stared at him. The boy said, "What's the matter old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
Posted by: tkron
I just couldn't pass posting this one up:
http://www.foulds2000.freeserve.co.uk/bushv5.htm
Posted by: Erekose
oh that is great t'kron. i wonder if someone would make a program where i could just put my own pic and cursor in?
Posted by: rockjock
Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl. The first man said, "I think it's WOOMB."
The second replied, "No, it must be WOOOOMBH."
The third said, "You both have it wrong -- it's WOOM."
The fourth stated, "No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB."
At this, the young lady could stand it no longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, "Look. It's WOMB. That's it, that's all there is to it." Then she left.
Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, "Well. I don't know. A young girl like that. I don't see how she could know. I'll bet she's never even heard an elephant fart!"
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